YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My sister has indulged her husband's neuroses to the extent that he now declares it physically impossible to get up in the morning unless someone coaxes him awake by bringing him a cup of coffee in bed. He is 44 years old and at the peak of health. He is shortly to come to stay with us on his own and I was originally adamant that he would Come down to breakfast like everyone else. The problem is that, for administrative rea- sons, it will not be in my interest for him to be hors de combat all morning. How can I get him up without colluding in his fantasy that he cannot do it alone?
L.P., Ulverston, Cumbria A. Using a saucer as a lid, bring your broth- er-in-law a cup of coffee so full to the brim that he cannot drink it without spilling it. In this way you will see him up and about at a time that suits you. You will also be quietly retraining him to associate coffee in bed with nuisance rather than convenience.
Q. As an amateur painter I am frequently disturbed (in my view, rather rudely) by passers-by, who will even go to the extent of peering over my shoulder at a painting the size of a postcard (which I am painting in my lap) so as to satisfy their curiosity. I am at a loss to know how to deal with such intru- sions. I do my best to position myself out of the way while painting in public areas, but
Dear Mary.. .
they still occur. Must one paint in complete isolation despite the safety implications for a lone female artist? Inappropriate (and usu- ally banal) comments impair the concentra- tion and can dent the sensitive ego of the amateur who is just developing confidence in her skills. By and large the amateur painter is painting to gain experience and, I'm afraid, is seeking neither compliments nor amateur criticism. What do you suggest I do to discourage these intrusions?
L.C., Teddington, Middlesex A. Leave a small Hungarian phrase book on display near your art equipment. Respond to the opening overtures of all friendly strangers by smiling inanely and pointing at the book. Resist the urge to respond further. The bulk of them will be frustrated by their inability to communicate and, without having been offended, will swiftly move on. Q. A male friend of mine is suffering from low morale at present following his recent divorce. He has moved into a small flat with one lavatory where he has installed a lavatory 'freshener'. This takes up about a sixth of the available cubic space in the lavatory bowl itself. It is turquoise in colour, exudes a noxious synthetic odour and, worse, its trellis-like structure seems designed to serve as a sort of trap for waste particles which would otherwise be flushed away. How can I kindly advise him that lavatory fresheners are never acceptable without further demolishing his self- esteem?
A.C., London W8 A. Why not use the health-scare boom to your advantage? Next time you visit your friend's flat invent a new one, saying, 'I've just read a long article about lavatory fresheners being the new breeding ground for superbugs, or something. Before he has a chance to protest, announce that you have tackled the problem in your own home and you are not squeamish about doing it in his. Using a plastic bag as a glove, pooper-scooper style, boldly wrench the freshener from its moorings and dis- pose of it there and then. He may never suspect that aesthetic rather than preven- tive health considerations were behind your decisive action.
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