YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Can you please advise on the proper form to follow when one is having a haircut and a member of the royal family (relative- ly minor on the occasion I have in mind) enters your barber's and is placed in the chair beside you? Does one studiously avoid the arrival, mumble, 'Good morning, your Royal Highness,' in a semi-supine position or jump to one's feet, with the resultant disturbance to towels, etc., to say the same thing?
E.D. L-P., Faringdon, Oxfordshire 4. The short burst of sensuous relief afford- ed by a visit to a barber is a precious com- modity in a stress-rich world and, once a customer has dealt with the barber's tire- some questions about his holiday, he should be entitled to lie back for a flota- tion-tank-style trance experience. It would be quite wrong for you to intrude upon this trance unless, of course, you happen to make eye contact with a fellow customer who is personally known to you. Should this be the case, then, just as it would be in church, a slight twitch of the eyebrows is sufficient acknowledgment.
Q. I have a friend and colleague with whom I frequently need to get in touch at short notice. (I am a librettist, and out of working hours he composes and arranges.) During the day he is busy in his own (unrelated) profession and it is usually a disruptive business for him to come to the phone. In the evenings he is continually away from his house pursuing his musical or social engagements. He is a bachelor and lives alone, so there is no one to take phone messages for him. My problem, and that of many others of his colleagues, is that he refuses to get himself a telephone answer- ing machine, thinking them 'a nuisance'.
P.W, Pinner, Middlesex A. Since this is clearly a matter of passive aggression there would be no point in giv- ing him a present of such a machine — he would not plug it in. Punish him by ringing British Telecom and setting up the Call Minder service on his behalf. This is a ver- bal agreement, so you can do it without his signature. Send the charge of only £6 per quarter out of your own money. Call Min- der intercepts unanswered calls at comput- er HQ and then replays them when the subscriber dials 1571. The joy is that, although your recalcitrant friend probably wouldn't dial 1571, it will dial him, repeat- edly, if his messages remain unchecked for more than 24 hours. He should soon learn the error of his ways.
A book is seldom returned when borrowed and your bibliophile readers may be interested in this tip for dealing with any friend who asks to borrow one. Take out your money and say, 'An excellent choice, but I'm rather attached to that vol- ume, so please take this £15 and buy one of your own.' The offer is naturally declined, but at no threat to friendship or your library.
J. Spencer-Silver, London SW11 A. Thank you for this useful tip.
Previous page
