CAS REGA L

12 YEAR OLD SCOTCH WHISKY

COMPETITION 03.VAS R EG4t

12 YEAR OLD SCOTCH WHISKY

A is for . .

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Jaspistos

In Competition No. 1723 you were in- vited to produce a 26-line rhyming alphabet on any theme.

Because of space there can only be four winners. Bad luck, Peter Norman, whose `Sixties Alphabet', ending 'Z is for Zom- bies and Zeitgeist and Zen' had great appeal. The prizewinners, printed below, take £20 each and the bonus bottle of Chivas Regal 12-year-old de luxe blended whisky goes to Philip Dacre.

A's an Accountant, who wears a sharp suit, B is the banker, who lends you the loot; C's the Collateral they'll want, to be sure, And D is the debt that it's meant to secure.

E is for Enterprise, launched with a splash, F for the Flow (as you hope) of your cash; G is the Gap in the market you've sussed, And H is the Hunch it'll earn you a crust. I's for Investment of funds which accrue And J for the Jobs which will surely ensue; But K is the Killing you never quite make, And L is the Losses you then have to take. M is the Money that brings some relief, But N's for Non-payment, which fills you with grief; O is for Overheads, lighting and heat, P for the Perks and the Profit they eat; Q is the Quids which inflation will melt, R the Recession which tightens your belt; S is for Solvency, fading away, T is the Tax that you still have to pay; U is for Uselessly Under-employed, V is the VAT that you'd like to avoid; W's Wealth that you dreamt would explode, X the Expenses that help it erode; Y is the Yuppiehood which you intend, But Z is the Zilch where it sadly may end.

(Philip Dacre) A is for Team seen on children's TV, B is for Film with a second-rate crew, C is for Major, the easiest key, D is for Notice which silences you, E is for Numbers of additives (food), F is for Plan which means bran is your chow, G is for String (on a woman, it's rude), H is for Bone by the rump of a cow, I is for Ching which divines what to do, J is for Cloth which wipes saucers and knives, K is for Rations a soldier may chew, L is for Plate, when a new driver drives, M is for Way where the speeders are caught, N is for Bomb which has neutrons for force, 0 is for Level, which used to be taught, P's 45, when your job's run its course, Q is for Ship, when its guns are hush-hush, R is the Month when there's oysters to eat, S is for Bend when you're ready to flush, T is for Shirt that you wear in the heat, U is the Boat of submariner Boche, V is the Sign Harvey Smith made his own, W's 1, where the capital's posh, X is the Ray which can squint at a bone, Y is for Fronts on the underwear stall, Z is for Car that the constables call.

(Glen Lillibrew) A is for Arson, the firing of houses, B is for Bigamy, too many spouses, C's for Contempt – 'I will put you away', D's for Delay, the time that you'll stay, E's Extradition of men from abroad, F is for Felony, Forgery, Fraud, G is for Gambling with Gaol in its wake, H is for Heir, who has so much at stake, I's for Identity, plus the parade, J's for the Jury, so scantily paid, K is for Kin, who are next to succeed, L is for Lawyers, whose help they will need, M is the Mortgage, for which we have waited, N is the Nuisance, as yet unabated, O is for Oath, on the Old or the New, P is Probation, to start you anew, Q is for Question, which counsel will ask, R's the Refresher he needs for his task, S is for Sacrilege, Stealing from churches, T is for Title, a good one on purchase, U is for Usage, for now or for ever, V is for Verdict, evasive and clever, W's for Warrant and Woolsack and Wills, X is the sum of Solicitors' bills, Y is the number of Years you will get, And Z is a crime that we don't know of yet.

(James Comyn) A is for Alekhine, genius, flawed, B is for Botvinnik, king of the Board, C is for Chess, game of skill not of Chance, D is for Doubled Pawns, hard to advance, E is the English (that's pawn to c4), F is for Fischer, for Fine and for Flohr, G is the Gambit pawn, often declined, H is for Horrwitz's bishops aligned, I's 'The Immortal', such cameos then!

J's for I' adoube, when adjusting one's men,

K is for Kasparov, Caissa's pride, L is Long-castling (i.e. on queen's side), M is for Mates (and how often I've Missed 'em), N is for Nimzowitsch, famed for his system, O's for the Openings, which pattern the games, P is the Polgars, Prodigious dames, Q's the Queen's Gambit (defend with e6), R is the Ruy Lopez, pressure with kicks,

S is the Soviets, Spassky et a/, T is for Taimanov, Tarrasch and Tal, U's Under-promotion, quite rare in real play, V's Victor Korchnoi, who wins on his day, W's Woodpusher, Worm of creation,

X is for 'Captures' (in either notation), Y is for Yates, who fought right to the end, Z is for Zugzwang. It's your move, my friend!

(Gerard Benson)