There was an Old Woman
There was once an Old Woman who lived in a Shoe ; She had so many children, she didn't know what to do— They thronged her each morning in urgent resort With lists far too long for a purse far too short.
There was Tommy demanding a tank and a gun, And Phil thinking physic and spectacles fun.
Young Bert wanted trucks and new tracks for his trains, And Ralph helicopters and a—er—o—planes.
As their wants, and the children, grew bigger and bigger, She near lost her wits, the Shoe quite lost its figure.
" To keep them amused, housed, clad, shod and fed, Is beyond my poor powers," the Old Woman said.
She went to a Cobbler, and said, " Pray, good soul, Will you shore up my Shoe—bring it under control ? " He framed it and lapped it and bound it around, But your patch will not hold if your garment's unsound ; Those children devised ways round, through and under, Snapped fingers at her, and the frappings asunder, And soon, like the Shoe, were all over the place, Still hungry, still toyless, their clothes a disgrace.
She went to a Planner, and said, " My good man, Will you fit my affairs to a rational plan ? " He got out his forecasts, his tables, his graphs—. Some looked like sierras and some like giraffes— But in spite of his graphs, tables, forecasts and charts, They all went on playing their several parts.
She went to a Statesman, and said, " My good sir, You have never been known (you have said it) to err : Pray, what is the matter, and what's to be done ? " He answered, " The cure and condition are one," And proceeded to vent a great deal of hot air About social equality, shares that were fair— Till at length the Old Woman cried, " Stop, for I think Your medicine and spectacles both are too pink."
In. the end, when she found no advice would avail, And the Shoe was as wrecked as a castaway whale, With no loaf in the crock and no cheese on the shelf, She determined to settle her troubles herself. " Dear children," said she, " like. the Canningite Dutch, You have offered too little and asked for too much. But now you must work to get out of your fix." She set the alarm for five minutes to six—
Then she gave them some soup, without any bread, And whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed. JOHN PETRIE.
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