"Spectator" Competitions

RULES AND CONDITIONS

• Entries must be typed or very clearly written on one side of the paper only. The name and address, or pseudonym, of the competitor must be on each entry and not on a separate sheet. When a word limit is set words must be counted and the number given. No entries can be returned. Prizes may be divided at the discretion of the judge, or withheld if no entry reaches the required standard. The judge reserves the right to print or quote from any entry. The judge's decision is final, and no corresporidenco can be entered into on the subject of the award. Entries must be addressed to :—The Editor, the Spectator, 99 Gower Street,

London, W.C. 1, and be marked on the envelope Competition No (—).

Competition No. 6z (SET BY " DITGLI.") A RETIRED Naval Officer has built a house and named it Duncruizen. A prize of £2 28. is offered for a list of suitable names for the homes of any six of the following : A Royal Academician ; a Director of a Railway Company ; the widow of a Judge ; a " Gossip Writer " ; a designer of ladies' hats ; a defeated Member of Parliament ; a writer of detective stories ; a B.B.C. announcer ; an ex-Mayor ; a successful dentist.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, June 20th,1932. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of July 2nd, 1932.

Competition No. 63 (SET BY " CARD.") IT is supposed that an American Cinema Company has decided to make films of six famous English novels. A prize of £2 2s. is offered for the best list of six novels to be used for the purpose, with suitable Hollywood titles.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, June 27th, 1932. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of July 9th, 1932.

The result of Competition No. 61 will appear in our next issue. •

Limerick Competition No. 33

A PRIZE of £1 Is. is offered each week for a new and original English Limerick verse on some subject dealt with in the current number of the Spectator. The thirty-third of these competitions closes on Monday, June 2701, 1932. Entries should be marked " Limerick No. 83."

The result of the thirty-first of these competitions will be announced in our next issue.

[ft is requested that, to facilitate the work of the judges, entries should, when possible, be submitted on postcards.]

Result of Limerick Competition No. 3o THE most popular subject for Limericks this week were : " Where Are We ? " (F. W. Bain), " Lady Gregory's Wake " (Shane Leslie), " The Decline of Love " (V. S. Pritchett), and " Altercation on the Bench." The prize is awarded to " Halj."

THE WINNING ENTRY.

ALTERCATION ON THE BENCH (page 751).

Who decides when M.De are at war ?

Why, the Coroner—that's what he's for ! What we're doubtful about Is, when Judges fall out, Do they finish by going to Law ?

HAW-

Commeaded

EARNING AND LEARNING ?

" Contributions will not be returned if unaccompanied by a stamped and addressed envelope" (page 749).

She was stupid but crammed full of hope : With the journal's requirements she'd cope.

The result made her cry :

" Quite misleading, for I

Sent no stamped and addressed envelope ! " S. ToNxix.

DECEMBER, 1916 (page 755).

There was a new newspaper peer

Who said_" It's remarkably queer That whatever I say

And whatever I pay

I can raise nothing more than a cheer."

F. M. KENYON% Subject WHERE ARE WE (page 757).

We know where we are ! This, alas,

Must label the whole world as ass :

What we want is a. Carroll In peaceful apparel

To cry : .Follow me through the glass ! W. A. RATRE.Ey* Report of Competition. No. 6o

(REPORT AND AWARD BY " DUGLI.")

A PRIZE of £2 2s. was offered for a Safety Jingle for Pedestrians. Competitors were reminded of the Seaman's Rule of the Road and of other memory jingles worth a score of rules. This popular competition has disclosed one interesting, and rather alarming, fact—if a Spectator competitor is taken as representing the average intelligent citizen of these islands— namely, that half the population walk, or advise others to walk, on the left of the road and half on the right I " Keep to the left is the golden rule. -

Stray to the right and you play the. fool." (WM. SUTHERLAND).

" Walk RIGHT and look ahead, man.

Face traffic or you'll be dead, man ! " (A. M. SALMON).

Entries are about equally divided between these two-abso- lutely opposing opinions.

Now, the Highway Code of the Ministry of Transport tells pedestrians that " if there is no footpath it is generally better to walk on the right of the carriage way so as to face oncoming traffic," and one way of reducing the eighteen daily traffic deaths might be to arrive at some clear ruling on this particular point and make an understanding of it compuliory. ' Some of the best Jingles, notably those of Arthur Oliver, Captain Cleland and Gerald Summers, are too long to act as memory joggers. W. Hodgson Rurnet's excellent series of rules is directed too much to the London " jay, walker," but his one-way-traffic stanza deserves to be quoted for general edification :

" Pedestrians should be discreet When they cross a one-way street.

Before across the street they run,

They should make sure which way's the ' one.'

J. H. finishes his four rules with a useful " reminder " : " Pedestriahs, do not forget to keep these simple rules. And after that, remember drivers are sometimes fools."

"L. D."? simply refers us to Hymns Ancient and Modern, 289 (omitting the fifth verse) ; Olwen Battersby is to the point : " Only' the good are happy. Only the dead are good.

So, in crossing the road, be snappy, Otherwise you'll be good."

Hairs final advice is :

" When the traffic's extra thick, Close your eyes and tap your stick."

Another marked difference of opinion is between the " run " and the " wait " schools. The former may be represented by Credo :

" Look right, look left, then look ahead.

If you're not ' quick' you may be dead.' "

and the latter by Miss C. B. L. Mackenzie, whose last lines tell us that :

" Haste, for the most part, Is waste of good breath."

It is difficult to award any prize that may not distract sonic right " walkers with " left " ideas, some " run " walkers with " wait " ideas, or vice versa, and so produce worse con- fusion and even make the Spectator responsible for a daily average of nineteen deaths !

Following the rule of " Safety First " the prize is awarded to Guy Hadley, 27 Madeley Road, Ealing, W. 5, for a Jingle that is not likely to add to the distractions of the road users either on feet or on wheels.

A SAFETY JINGLE FOR PEDESTRIANS. Pedestrians should always know, Just when to stop and when to go.

Don't hesitate and change your mind,

Or get halfway and look behind. When crossing at a one-way street, . To look both ways is indiscreet.

Don't take to walking in the read, Or you will reap as you have strode. Remember, too, the driver's nerves, And don't abuse him as he swerves . .

But if you want to keep your head, Then buy'a Moth, and fly instead'. '

GUY HADLEY. •