YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. Your correspondent J.G.H. of Norfolk writes (Dear Mary, 4 May) of his difficulty in purchasing sock suspenders. May I advise him that one admirable alternative is very widely available for ready money? `Popsox' are stockings for women which are elasticised or lycracised enough to enable them to stay up on their own, without the aid of a suspender belt. Although they are generally considered to be fairly unattrac- tive when worn by a woman, there is abso- lutely no reason why they should not be enormously flattering to a male leg (espe- cially a long and aristocratic one) which is otherwise fully trousered.
A.C., London W8 A. Thank you for your kind tip. You are right in suggesting that Popsox are unflat- tering to female legs.
Q. My new car is a Volkswagen Golf. I understand that there is a class shibboleth about the pronunciation of the word `golf, and that as far as the game is con- cerned it is considered infra dig to pro- nounce the 'I'. Does the same apply to a vehicle?
R.R., Hungerforc4 Berks A. Since the appellation is in this case Teu- tonic, the T should be pronounced. To do otherwise would be an affectation equal to referring to a 'driving looking-glass' or `Sis- sil Beaton'.
Q. A friend who is making his first foray into big-time theatre production gener- ously offered my wife and me a pair of tickets, which would be waiting in my name at the box-office. We arrived and, after much surfing of the computerised seating-plan, the assistant said, `Ah, yes. Two tickets. To be paid for.' I like to think my hesitation was imperceptible, for of course I handed over the necessary notes, while electing to switch to more comfortable seats on the aisle — easily done, as the performance was far from sold-out. We enjoyed the play. But my problem is, what do I say to the friend? I cannot thank him, because he has given us nothing. But if I keep mum, he will think that we either failed to turn up or loathed the show with which he is making his debut as a mogul of the boards.
J.C., London E.14 A. Congratulate your friend on the produc- tion, adding, 'I'm sorry we were a little bit late in taking our seats — I don't know if you noticed; but neither of us could find our wretched credit cards when we came to pay for the tickets, so we had to go to and fro to the car, up and down to the cloak- room, riffling around in our coats and so on, until we came up with the cash. I'm frightfully sorry . . . ' When your friend protests that there were two free tickets waiting for you, you can wag your head and say, 'That's literally unbelievable. If only we'd realised. We knew you had reserved tickets for us, but we didn't realise they were free. How frightfully kind of you! There must have been a cock-up at the box office then . . . '
Mary Killen
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