19 OCTOBER 2002, Page 87

Q. I have invited some new friends to stay over

half-term. Now, neighbours have emailed saying that they know these new friends very well and can they come over, with their house-party, after dinner on the Saturday night. We all share friends up in this neck of the woods, but I do not want a 'herding' scenario at this early stage before I have bonded with my new friends. How can I say 'no' without giving offence?

Name withheld, Inverness A. Why not take a tip from the new Max Hastings diaries and extend a warm invitation, qualifying it with the stipulation that you will be playing charades after dinner? In this way you can be sure that your neighbours and their party will find an excuse not to attend.