YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
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Dear Mary.
Q. Every year for the last seven years my husband and I have given a dance on our shared birthday at the end of September. This year we cannot afford to spend the same sort of money, yet we are loath to lower the standards as we have always had Incredibly good wine and food. We also feel that for image reasons — we are both in the fashion world — it is important to keep tIP appearances. Our problem would be solved if we could have a smaller party but, as you can imagine, a lot of very queeny people now expect to be invited and it would not be worth it. The only way we can think of to cut the cost would be to have the party in August when everyone is away and we would only have to entertain two- thirds of the people. However, we think this would be too obvious as everyone knows our birthdays are in September. Unless you can think of a good excuse, Mary?
Names and address withheld.
A. No, carry on and have the dance in September as usual. Just put the words Dress: shell-suits' on the invitation and you will find that at least a third of those fash- ion-conscious people you have invited will be unwilling to attend. In this way you can gain the kudos for having invited all the usual crowd, yet still cut your costs by a third. You can pretend you thought it would be witty for everyone to wear shell- suits.
Q. What can one do when vicars drop in to see one without ringing first? The other day I was just settling down to chat with an old friend, whom I had not seen for over a year, when the door-bell rang and there was the new young curate who has just joined our parish. The result was a one-
and-a-quarter-hour-long ordeal in which the three of us made very sticky conversa- tion and we had to drink tea instead of gin. What should I have said?
B.B., County Antrim A. I find the simplest way of deflecting vicars until a later, more convenient time is to greet them warmly, but say, 'What a pity I didn't know you were coming. I've just taken my medication.' You need explain no further. Let the vicar make his own assumptions as to whether you have taken sleeping pills, broncho-dilators or even lax- atives. You can then issue an invitation for him to visit again at a precise date in the future.
Q. How can I check whether or not there is a bird's nest in my chimney? We had it swept very recently but it still seems to be smoking.
L.G., Donegal A. Hold a hand mirror in the grate and use it to view the skyward passage.
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