A 'Brief Life'

Sir John Betjeman Laureatus

John Bowie (after Aubrey)

He was born a Londoner — never forgott it. Lived in Cloth Fair. His father sold Curiosi ties, as Shagreen Tobacco cases, Tortoise Shell hand-glasses and the like. 'Tis said their familie came out of Bergen-op-Zoom in the

Low Countries, Tempore Henrici Octavi, but I know not the truth of it. 'Tis certain that one of them was the onlie inventor of the Tantalus, a prettie device whereby spiritts may be locked up lest the serving men should take 'em, yet be ready on hand.

His father, being discontented of the estate of mere merchant, would oft got to take fesants and partriches in that kynde of sport called a Syndicate (we reprobate it in agro Wiltoniensi): but ye sonne would have none of it, would never take game. He would not so much as shoote att a rabett, tho' it devoured the Lady Penelope's raddishes. Now this Lady Penelope, whom he married clandestino, I think 'twas at Kynges Lynne, was a great horsewoman. She had a little ruff Yrish dogge that doted on her and she on him. 'Twas callled Benne, and would follow her perigrations; 'twas a loving dumb thynge. Her father, the Lord Chetwode, had commanded the Company's Armies in the East Indies and putt many of the natives of those parts to the Sworde, and after defeated the Grande Turke. (In her later age, the Lady Penelope would oft times hanker for the Indies, not because she had been there of so much consequence, but as drawn to the studie of the Hindoo Antiquities. She wrote much of the statues, symbolls, and other curiosities of those parts, not all of them seemlie. But she did all for learning.) Now this poet, aetate sui xiii was put to Marlboro' Coll: under the great Dr Norwood, afterwards knighted for his whipping the boies at Harrow into better virtue (tho' it did not last). Sir John would alwaies say he was much putt upon there, by boles and esshers, but 'tis not a true account. I remember him well enough, and he alwaies hadd Protectors, for he had a wale with him. Yet there was one pedagogue (MA, Cantab: I think) who would lashe him not with his birche but with his tongue, and that gravelled cure younge sprigge worse; the birche being but a passing torment ro which all had to come, but these tongue lashyngs leaving more lasting skarres. I believe that, like the Oliphant, Sir John could never forgette and ever after hath smarted from these Affronts.

He made verses since hee could skribbel. He wrote in the Hereticke, a sheete put about by the boies (Sir Anthony Blunt and olde Deane Bowle amonge them). His verses already had the right ringe, very taking. But hee could never abyde the Mathematicks. Old Deane Bowie told me that the two of them were put to one of the clergy there in that subject for special 'coaching along.' But he wore a wigg and taught 'ern nothing.

Aetate sui xviii J.B. matriculated at Magda

len College, Oxon: but hee found there too much goode companie, and wette popularitie. Neglected his Homer and Virgil, left Oxon: without any degree. (Quaere? whether 'sent down 'for failing the examination in Divinitie or removed by his father for dettes?) Yet though he proffitted little from the common studies, and in truth they were at that time narrowe enough, yet he stored up much learning, being ravished all his life by our late new imitations of the Gothick architecture and by the curiosities and divagations of poetry.

Sir Maurice Bowra, that excellent patron of proper young men, would make much of him, give him Rhenish and oysters and ingeniose conversation. The Younge Noblemen in Ch.Ch. would entertaine hime for his Witte. Sir John was very personable. Dark hair, fine eyes, a briske addresse. He was but of middling stature yet of good proportions: held himself always very straight. 'Twas onlie afterwards that he was beide as a coote. Onlie the pedants could not abyde him, and would sette uppon him, saieing that he would gette but a Third Classe in the Schooles and so come to Judgement. Yet he would be alwaies loved by men of humane learning, as Warden Sparrow of Coll: Omn: Anim: who, while yet at Winton, did edit the poems of Dr Donne.

Now being throwne on the worlde out of Oxon:, our poet turned schoolmaster and would plaie at football and handie-dandie and other games with the boies. But he was ever drawn to architecture and founde as it were a pulpitt in preaching up the new Gothick in the periodical prints. I cannot saie what he did in the Great Warres of those times save that he cozened the great De Valera in Ireland owte of making worse treasons against His Majestie and se did the state some service.

Now it was about this tyme that the learned Dr Wilkins of Wadham College —

that married Oliver's sister and made the pre. phecies about the Moone — invented the Transmogrification of Images by manie fan. tasticall devices — (Scilicet the Television but 'tis a mongrell terme, compounded out of

Greek and Latin and reprobated by all men af nice apprehension). By this machinery one standing before a Mirrour could have his

image, and his speeche too, vulgarised urbi et

orbi. Now when Sir John thus became knova to the multitude, he took on with them aS

with the Cognoscenti, and his esoterique ver

ses became loved by the general populace. Whereat they rushed incontinent to buy them, to the great advantage of Mr Murray their putter out and I hope of Sir John too. SO he came to be beloved of the people. He would often sale (for he was ever without pretension) that if Dr Wilkins had made the Transmogrification of Images, the Images had made him.

For his verses were very natural]. He loved strapping great wenches and would write 'a! them at tennis-plaie, saying that he would fain flie to their bosoms tanquam hirundo ad, nidum. Mistress Hunter Dunn was one at them. (Dr Lloyd Jones, Regius of Greek, in Ch.Ch., would have it that Dr J. Donne, her unkle, tho' Deane of Paul's, had attempted her. But he was past such games.) Sir John would write, too, of young wenches on horseback, as Mistress Prunella on Guzzle, a little prancie horse that threw her. He would write of the Downes in Berks and Wilts, and the delectable bosky Clumpes upon them; and how up the Ash tree climbed the Ivie and up the Ivie the Sunne. (Dr Rowse, in a different inspiration, hath writ that up the Beeche tree • climbs the mesernbry.anthemum, a Cornish weed; but 'tis an impossible fancie, and little apt, for ye beech is inimicalle to such vegetation.) Sir John hath writt much too of that barbarous Countrie of Cornwall, for he ever remembered his Childish recreations there. As attempting that game of goff ball then new come in from Skottland, tho' first devised in the Low Country when the FlemYnges had nought else to-do but to drinke and eat butter.

He hath celebrated also the great cruel' Eminences of those regions and the turbulence of that Ocean, which for my part I cannot abide, nor the thought that there is nought between us and the Savages of the Americas but only thatt great waste of waters, which they can now traverse in but

half a dale and in lips time soon., ,

He would often therevisit the to`bd Rowse, who had become rich by his polemi. call writings, though the Dr had a great house and Sir John but a cottage. He would write also of the towne, and of the great steame carriages then in fashion and of the high smoakie vaults that housed them, as well as of the New Gothick. He writ too of the outer fringes of the Metropolis: it was said of him that as Master Kipling had 'celebrated the British Empire, so Sir John did celebrate the suburbia.

He came to be Laureate, nemine contradicente, with an Universal] Applause. He had a merrie countenance in Company, tho' I believe, 'twould flagge when he was alone and thought of his Ende. He would wear a strawe Boater or Harrow flat hat — (quaere7 out of respect for the great Dr Norwood?). He likes well a good lobster; makes great hospitalitie. When he would take oares to cross into Lambeth to waite upon the Archbishop,

the Watermen would refuse paiement out of respect. When he visited the Australians in the Antipodes he tamed them.

Not since my Lord Tennyson hath any Laureate — no, not Master Skelton termed beastlie ' (but 'twas unjust) — had such a following. For in truth he hath a bewitching way.