Q. I have a problem with a reasonably good friend
of about six years' standing that risks making me seem both churlish and ungenerous. This friend is to be married later in the year, and I shall have to contend with both his wedding list and his stag weekend. I have no wish to attend an entire weekend of stag activities, but have been assured that attendance will be expected. I am, frankly, ill-disposed towards his easy assumption that I'll happily shell out the requisite £200-£300. In addition to this, while I am normally quite happy to purchase wedding presents for my friends, I am unable to shake off the memory of the wedding present that this particular friend bought my wife and me about a year
after we were married: a milk jug and ceramic bowl that cannot possibly have cost him more than £10. Since money is emphatically not a concern for this individual, his parsimony was disconcerting, to say the least. How should I respond, Mary? I fear that this friend's behaviour stems more from blokishness than from anything else. Whatever insights or suggestions you could make would be gratefully accepted — and acted upon.
Name and address withheld A. No man of sound mind and body would wish to attend a stag night, since the process will inevitably involve paying through the nose to endanger his own health and safety. However, the correct protocol is to accept this inevitability with good grace and blokish solidarity. Remember that failure to co-operate would result in non-specific guilt feelings which would cause you more pain in the long run than the pain of part
ing with £300. In any case, you should regard the financial outlay of both the weekend and the wedding present as lossleaders. As you say, the man in question has no money problems. Continued social interaction with him will enable you to recoup it in one form or another.
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