State of the Unton

The usual prize was offered for an extract from a speech on the lines of the 4merican 'State of the. Union' message by the head of one of the following : Ruritania, Lilliput, Wonderland, Oceania (1984), Azania (Black Mischief), the Never-Never Land, or the Huxleyan 'Brave New World.'

OBVIOUSLY an old hands' game; most of the entrants were familiar names, and since none of the comparatively few new- comers produced particularly good entries, the prizes go to regulars.

Ruritania and Wonderland were the most popular subjects, but Ongar-a run- ner-up-produced a creditable Azania and, J. R. Till an amusing glimpse of the Brave New World. ('. . . His mother-.' On men- tioning the despicable word the Director quietly liquidated himself.) R. Kennard Davis's King of Hearts was subjected to lively heckling :

'The decline in employment continues sati actory.'

employment, you mean,' snapped the Duchess.

'Unsatisfactory!' growled the Cook. `Same thing!' said•the King. '1 cannot exaggerate the impertinence of our experts:, 'Importance,' said the Knave, looking over his shoulder, 'and exports.'

'Nonsense!' said the Queen. 'How can exports be important?' Speaking on behalf of Ruritania, Major A. W. Dicker hoped for improved relations with Hollywood. ('Mr. Errol Flynn has delivered our beloved country three times by methods which deprived our revenue of the tax on secret passages and to the accom- paniment of music which was an insult to our, national honour. A strongly worded song has been sent.') Congratulations to them, to Vedette, G. J. Blundell, and Edward Blishen, and especially to H..A. C. Evans, who narrowly missed a prize.

Erica Scott wins first prize (£2 10s.) with a flesh-creeping glimpse of the world of 1984. I trust the Spectator will not be

flooded by telephonic protests against horror-competitions as a result. I suggest that the Rev. J. P. Stevenson and N. Hodgson share the remainder, for the best Ruritania and the best Wonderland respec- tively.

PRIZES Oceania

(ERICA scorr) Let me turn for one moment from the almost monotonous recital of the stupendous vic- tories won by our armed forces and the renewed and redoubled privations attendant thereon to a development which Big Brother has presided over with unalloyed pleasure. I speak, of course, of the automatic competi- tions, which have now been brought to such a pitch of perfection that not fifty, nor fifty thousand, but fifty million competitors, each equipped with the requisite vocabulary of a hundred words, sit down daily to produce answers identical in form and substance with those exhibited from time to time upon the telescreen. I salute you, diligent,. virtuous, patriotic competitors, assiduously polishing your entries. Not for you the decadent pleasures of literary composition! Not for you the treacherous mixture of gin and politics! Compete on, loyal competitors! And, remember this: Big Brother is competing with you!

Ruritania

(REV. 3. P. STEVENSON)

Beneath the arms of her proud standard- a cloud or and cuckoo proper surmounting the Danube azure-the People's Republic of Rurit- jan consolidates her glorious revolution, in which• my abdication symbolised our detesta- tion of corrupt anachronism and vested inter- est, while your choice of me as President proclaimed a wise repudiation of change for change's sake. The sale of Zenda Castle for re-erection in Ohio and the lease of Speltau Palace as a Butlin hotel typify our. new fiscal policy. Ruric philatelics-our principal export -now exceed the combined output of San Marino and Monaco; while our rearmament programme, by doubling the establishment of field-marshals, impressively answers the threat of nuclear war. The main aims of government 'policy, for the year following next month's general election, will be (a) freedom from'care, (b) nationalisation of Coca-Cola, and (c)new cable for the Elphbcrg mountain railway. Floreat Respublica Ruritaniensisl

Wonderland (N. HODGsoN)

'1 call to witness All and Sundry--.-especially Sundry,' continued the King of Hearts, 'thiA we have put our cards on the table. We have, however, got so mixed up since they started Canasta that .we want a New Deal. But we entertain no offensive porpoise.' ('The last one we entertained,' said the Cheshire Cat to Alice, 'was eaten by the Mock Turtle.') 'All we desire is closer and better relation's all round, like Tweedledum and Tweedledee."But why . . began Alice. 'Twins, of course,' said the King. 'besides being extremely round. But that is another story.* And we have finished with strikes.' ('He stopped all the clocks, you see,' whispered the White Rabbit.) 'But what is that frightful noise? An .H-bomb or-,' '-or the last, trump!' shouted the Hatter, '-making game and rubber!' yelled the March Hare. 'I double,' murmured the .Dormouse, who thought he had heard someone calling.' . . . 4' The Looking Glass.