Grim Fairy Tales

Competitors were asked to provide an extract from any well-known children's fairy tale as it might be adjusted for adult reading.

SOMEWHERE in the world there must be a psychia- trist who would provide a professional report on the competition that might be a lot more dreary but of far greater scientific value than my own trieanderings. 1 know that I said . . adjusted for adult reading,' and that should be that, but even so I have been drawn to a certain morbid speculation as to how you arrived at your entries. Are these the sort of books that you have read? Is this the sort of literature that you would like to read? Perhaps this is the stuff that you would like to write ! I give up. For instance, Red Riding Hood has twenty-seven adventures in bed and any one of them would bring a blush of shame to the comparatively innocent cheeks of a certain Miss Blandish; she (Miss R. R. Hood of course) carries everything from gin to radio-active eggs in her basket; she spies and counter-spies; apart from this she is quite a respectable lass. Adrienne Gascoigne has a printable entry which might have Won a prize if there had been just a little more emphasis on the original subject. In this group, a guinea and a half goes to Henrietta for her effort the like of which can be found between the covers of any one of a dozen publications on the station bookstall: He had spoken gently enough, he thought, but as he watched through half-closed eyes he could see that she was trembling, and might well drop the basket.

It was very quiet in the forest. The hood of her red cloak had fallen back to reveal black tendrils of hair quivering over the soft curve of her cheek, and a tremulous pulse in her throat. She could not be more than sixteen, and had the untouched quality of early woman- hood that he found so desirable. The widely glistening eyes, the arching nostrils and the parted lips all blatantly displayed the eager, frightened curiosity of adolescence. The breast rose and fell rapidly.

He stepped from the shadow of the trees.

The readers of this sort of thing are numbered in millions.

_ Cinderella underwent a startling transformation from the child that I used to know; she has been cast as a slut with a command of expletives that rocked me. Vera Telfer's entry was the nearest to a prize in the Cinderella series.

1 begin to think that certain fairy stories must have regional affinities. The story of the twelve dancing princesses was repeated several times by competitors in Surrey. This was so pronounced that I begin to wonder if one competitor with a fixed idea has called upon all his friends and

neighbours for the use of their names and addresses. However far I am from the truth, the next guinea and a half is going to Gloria Prince for a workmanlike science fiction job : THE TWELVE DANCING PRINCESSES

'You mean you actually followed The Twelve down into the Sublunar Caverns?' burst out Kroom incredulously. 'But how, man? For cen- turies our people have been trying. Always the Medusa Rays have solidified them.'

Vlosk smiled thinly, and with a deft movement flung off his loose-fitting garments. His whole body was wound closely with thousands upon thousands of coils of shining crystoplast filitube. Even his hands, down to the very fingertips, now that the gauntlets had been shed, were seen to be so covered. Raising them he drew a flexible solenoid up over his face, so that not a square millimetre of naked flesh remained exposed. 'A swallowed ioniser generates the local flux-warp,' he explained, 'and this focuses the 10-million Kilosol beam from Z90. The hardening vibra- tions melt around me like . . . like . .

'But The Twelve, man?' interrupted Kroom impatiently. 'Is it Mutants or Humanoids they meet?'

Snow White, the Three Bears, the Water Babies, Old Mother Hubbard, Dr. Doolittle. the Ugly Duckling and many others all had their followers. Of course by this time I am in something of a daze; how can a fairy story be defined? Anyway, that's my worry and it should not detract from the entertainment which some of the following odds and ends may provide. B. P. Hatton's Ugly Duckling : . . . Gentle air blows, round the duckheads bringing dungsmell. Wiggletail. Waddlebum. Over in corner 2 broods fight over eelhead. Scat- ter prestissimo. Cat swallows mealhead. Kerwaak. Aqua non pwa. Bills gobble scum- filth. . . .

P. W. R. Foot's Snow White :

She looked at her watch. Surely there was time to croak the bitch ten times over and be back again. . . •

Miss M. Chisholm's story : . . . Seventeen strong they halted. Bend knee! Arch instep! Advance toe! Suggestive sway in slow motion . . teetotum . . . carousel . . .

jewelled eyeballs . . burnished ballet of teeth . . . cosmetics like spice . . . blown up tresses . . . swatches of shining silk, George Hurren's (it had to come) Tom Thumb : So the next day they told the wizard their sorrow, and he explained AID to them. A guinea and a half goes to each of the fol- lowing: J. A. Lindon because-his story, which can only be told in French, reminds me of my own youthful struggles with Les Trois Ours, and E. R. Pearce—his little animals slip so nicely into character.

LA BELLE AU BOIS DORMANT

La jeune fille poussa un pro fond soupir, regarda autour (relic avec elonnement, pins ses yeux se fixeren! sur le Prince. D'un elan qua paraissait irrefiechi, elle le lira ardemment a elle et l'embrassua pleine bouche. II iressaillit tenement excite par le parfum de' cote petite poupee soignee, qu'il se changea subitement en un male primitif. Ses yeux devinrent rouge's, ses jones enfiammees. Dune

rudesse incroyable, arracha ses vetements et se mit d 'promoter .ses-mains sur la belle chair nue qui se tordait SOUS ses caresses. Cette maniere d'agir fut loin de deplaire it in Princess. qui. elle- meme„se trouvait dans un Oat d'evdtation extraordinaire. • . (Passage condamne par le Tribunal Correctionnel) . . . its se separerent doublemem contents.—T'es un rude lapin, to sois, irrotesta-t-elle, tome haletante.

Le Prince Mato dc' ripe grossierement.

1. A . LINDOhN

THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS

'Dig that smart talk ya' ha'?' said Bud Badger. 'You want that place of yours back don't yu' hu'?' Smoothly the Toad quietened down the Badger.

*Of course I do,' said the Toad. wouldn't be paying someone like you if I didn't want it done, thoroughly . . .' he added significantly.

'I want that weasel to get my money's worth.'

'Perhaps,' said Dr, von Rat, glistening through his glasses, 'perhaps I can help. In Vienna once . .

The Mole roused himself from his chair, direct- ing his sagging bulk towards the sinister von Rat.

Not 'ere you won't,' he murmured, 'there's limits even with weasels.'

'Thank you, Herr Doktor,' Toad toyed with his cigarette holder, 'I think the Badger will make him squeak.'

E. R. PEARCE