YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. My parents were born on the same day and also married on their birthday. They have since divorced and are both happily remarried to other partners. One parent lives on the peninsula between the Dornoch and Moray Firths in Scotland, and the other in rural Leicestershire. They will both be 60 years old next Febru- ary. As I am now on cordial terms with both parents, I would like to celebrate these milestone occasions with them separately, without being accused of favouring one over the other. I would pre- fer not to travel the length of the country during one day as part of any proposed solution.
B.B. Holyport, Berks A. Why not let your parents' legs do the walking? You could do this by hosting two separate extravaganzas in London on the day in question. One, to celebrate your mother, could take place at lunchtime, and the other, celebrating your father, in the evening. In this way you can outwit your parents and avoid any possible rancour. Q. For my husband's forthcoming 40th birthday, I intend to invite about 15 close friends for a country weekend. One of our oldest and dearest friends is (seemingly happily) married to an unbelievably dis- agreeable boor. As one of his unpleasant traits is to be very attention-seeking, I could not hope that he would be lost in the crowd, and I really cannot countenance his presence. Should I risk offending our friend by explaining that, while she would be wel- come, her husband wouldn't, or should I simply omit them both from the invitation list?
Name and address withheld A. Confide in an indiscreet mutual friend that you find your oldest and dearest friend's husband so attractive that you can hardly breathe in his presence. You can- not possibly risk inviting him along on the planned birthday weekend, as your hus- band would be bound to notice the inten- sity of your feelings. In fact, you confide, you have decided that the only way you can safeguard your marriage is to try never to come into contact with the man again, but to somehow engineer it so that you can see your friend separately. No doubt your friend will be flattered and delighted when this news is leaked to her. You can then sit back and leave it up to her to make excuses for seeing you separately.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, write to Dear Maiy, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, Lon- don WC1N 2LL.
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