Television
Cultish secrets
James Delingpole
his is serious. He wants my cock! What am I going to do?' Astonishing, isn't it, the dialogue they come up with on Grange Hill these days? No. No. I jest. It comes, of course, from quite the boldest, frankest, most grubbily realistic series you're ever likely to see on television. Wel- come back, This Life (BBC 2, Monday)!
You may remember that I raved about the first series last spring. I find it rather depressing that more critics didn't do like- wise. Though it picked up in the ratings towards the end of its run, it never quite achieved the massive popularity it deserved. Here is a programme which speaks directly and honestly to every intel- ligent twenty- and thirtysomething in the land. It's right up there with Friends. Yet it's still a bit of a cultish secret.
As I think I said before, the premise is mildly implausible. Four lawyers and one ex-lawyer in their late twenties live togeth- er in a poxy London flat, which they proba- bly wouldn't do at their age and income level. The characterisation — one's gay, one's Asian, and so on — is a bit schemat- ic. And I'm sure that, if it were really accu- rate, they'd be doing a lot more cocaine. But in almost every other respect its depic- tion of Nineties professional life and romance is spot on.
The new series got off to a cracking start with a storyline (written by Richard Zajdlic) centred on the messy relationship between gutsy Scot Anna (Daniela Nardi- ni) and handsome semi-toff Miles (Jack Davenport). She's a slag (previous con- quests include her junior barrister's clerk and her flatmate's unemployed father). He's a self-pitying egoist. They've just had an enjoyable one-night stand and we know they're made for each other. But do they?
Hardly. Not with another 20 episodes of `Will they/won't they?' to fill. But, my, what sadistic pleasure there was to be had from watching it all go horribly wrong: the awk- ward greetings the morning after; Anna overhearing Miles telling his mate faddishly that she was just another shag; Anna arriv- ing late at the pub (having been delayed by her lecherous boss) to find Miles pouring out his soul to a blonde she presumes is a rival; Anna screaming for all to hear, 'He's a bastard and he's HIV positive!' All deliciously cringeworthy — and much more entertaining than the boringly healthy love life of the would-be novelist Egg (Andrew Lincoln) and goody-two- shoes Milly (Amita Dhiri), whose nocturnal groaning and creaking I find rather hard to stomach. It's about time Milly chucked him, I reckon. He's a waster. One more small quibble. There was a scene where one character, dying for the loo, had to relieve himself in a beer can. Clearly a set-up for someone to end UP drinking it. And so it proved. Jolly amus- ing, I suppose, and — since the victim was a thief — satisfying too. But the truth IS there's no one on earth who drinks from a half-crushed can the morning after a party without smelling it and checking it for fag ends first. Also, would he really have spat it out in horrified recognition? I thought tinned lager and urine were indistinguish- able.
After the grittily echt This Life, it was a bit of a comedown watching a video of Loved By You (ITV, Tuesday), where everything's shot on the cheap (the lighting is terrible) on tacky sets and the characters all mug and overact as if they're in a Carl- ton sitcom. Which they are.
Actually, it's not quite as bad as everyone is saying. It's about a couple of newly-weds, engagingly (-ish) played by Trevyn McDowell and John Gordon Sinclair, and some of it's quite well observed, like the scene in this week's episode where he asked her to accompany him to dinner with an old flame, expecting her to say no. She didn't and the odd laugh ensued. Really though, if not-all-that-bad or quite funny Is the very best Carlton is capable of achiev- ing, it deserves all the criticism it gets. Go on Mikcy-babes. Shock me. Thrill me with something I can hail as a classic.
Another programme people are being unduly rude about is Third Rock from the Sun (BBC 2, Thursday). Or is it just the Daily Telegraph's television preview section which is down on it? I think it's brilliant anyway and it would be madness if it didn't get a second series (now showing on Sky) on terrestrial television.
It's about a group of aliens who have taken the form of a human family so that they can study mankind's weird foibles. Their spaceship's aggressive male weapons' officer is trapped in the body of a gorgeous pneumatic blonde (Kristen Johnston); the chief alien is a wacky professor (awesomely played by John Lithgow); there's also a nerd who looks like an axe-murderer and a cool school kid. I've rarely seen finer ensemble comedy acting. And the dialogue approaches genius. My all-time favourite line comes from the episode where the nerd starts collecting mail-order compact discs. The professor examines one sceptically: `I wonder whether this species will ever evolve to the stage where they invent vinyl, with its vastly superior aural reproduction.'
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