THE CONFIDANTS OF THE STARS
By HELEN SIMPSON
That page which harbours Little Announcements is .a fascinating page, where matrimonial agencies hint at their triumphs, and slimming institutions declare that it is all done by kindness and vibro-massage. These adver- tisements seem, during the past few months, to have dwindled. They are still there, but crowded, elbowed into a corner to make room. For what ? For twenty- four ladies and one gentleman (le professeur Ox) ; prac- titioners, according to the heading under which they are grouped, of the Occult Sciences.
They have a wide range, these ladies. Renee, for example, offers thought-transmission, crystal-gazing, future by cards, fortune from the hand, magic secrets ; and she sacrifices part of the space that frs. 12 buys from the advertisement manager to reassure her clients : " ne quest. pas "—no questions asked.
This assurance is not as impressive as it looks. If Madame Renee can read thoughts, she does not need to question ; and no woman living can switch- from cards to hands, and back to magic secrets via the crystal without a short circuit somewhere. I like better the sound of • Madame Kerdren, who is a strong medium, and who, by means of fluidic impregnations, helps you to health and success. Her prices arc moderate, she says, and she looks a good bet ; but with so much talent. to choose from there is no need to make any immediate decision.
Madame Ida possesses a Hindoo secret which has the property of restoring lost affections ; Madame Tamara, Russian subject, is infallible as an adviser ; Madame Gaby Christ-al predicts winning lottery numbers. Madame de Grigny is something out of the way, a somnambulist whose reputation is world-wide, and who holds a diploma in second-sight. From whom did she acquire .it ? What examinations did she pass ? Is there a college (perhaps in Germany) where somnambulists learn how they may turn their pathological condition to account ? . Evidently. some such institution exists, for another. lady, Made- moiselle Lenormand, holds this distinction too.- Madame Jeanne gives guidance amid cares, and Madame:Ledda promises that her magnetism will bring happiness.
It is time now to consider M. le professeur Ox. He sins (according to English notions) upon a larger scale, because he is himself more large. His is a quarter- column advertisement, with woodcut portrait inset, the whole headed by this question ;. WERE YOU BORN UNDER AN UNLUCKY STAR ? An offer follows.
" GRATUITOUSLY Professor Os will reveal to you tho MOST INTIMATE SECRETS OF YOUR LIFE. The most serious astrologer of our century will guide you, as he has guided per- sonalities whose successes in finance and in love you envy, to fortune. His revelations will TROUBLE you. The precision of his forecasts will AMAZE you. GRATUITOUSLY, he makes you free offer of his counsels, Monsieur, Madame,-or Mademoiselle, on receipt of fra. 2 in stamps for expenses."
I regret Close frs. 2. Also, I seem to recognise that woodcut portrait with the strong jaw, piercing eyes and white hair. It has served: to introduce other astrologers in the .past, besides, I believe, inspiring confidence in potential buyers of a remedy for gravel. All the same, at frs. 2.the professor's revelations would be cheap.
Cheap—and yet what good would it do me to patronise him or his rivals ? I know all that is necessary of my own past life, and nothing Professor Ox could tell would surprise, though it might embarrass me. I should be terrified of a somnambulist. Foreknowledge of lottery numbers would be useless, unless I were to go and live in Ireland, which is not at present my intention. I have not lost the affections of anybody to whom that Hindoo secret could, with any hope of success, be applied. As for the fluids, and thought-transmissions, and magic secrets, they are all too vague in their promises to lure me. • So far' as I am concerned the professor and the twenty-four sensitive ladies, charm they never so wisely, must charm in vain.
And I return, not at all disconcerted, to that statement regarding the logicalness of the French nation which, in common with many of my fellow-citizens, I make once or twice a week. The French do not believe in magic. Nor, officially, do we. Yet in Paris the magicians receive clients quite freely, while here, if they prophesy two husbands for a policewoman in mufti, they find themselves in gaol. It is we, as usual, who arc behaving in a muddle-headed manner. It would be much more rational to recognise the considerable public service performed by these sibyls and mages by taking their money for advertisements, and letting them alone. Respectable clients go to them, as richer people go to psychiatrists, for the -pleasure of remembering and being shocked by forgotten incidents in their past lives which prove them to be, not only wicked, but exceedingly interesting if all were known. Who can find harm in this ?
None but persons born under Mercury ; since he, besides being lord of Hermaphrodites, Tennis-courts, Locusts, and Boistrous Weather, governs also all evils in the Fancy or intellectual parts, all vain and fond Imaginations, Dumbnesse, Tongue-evil, and all pratling muddy Ministers. It is a pity, for the purpose of this argument, that his heavenly dominion should have for its sphere'of influence below, not London, but Paris.
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