The turf
Traffic problems
Robin Oakley
Cabinets have their ups and downs, but the most dangerous stage is when they start becoming a joke. 'What's the difference under this government between paraffin and petrol?', a teacher friend was asked last week. 'You tell me, Jimmy.' Easy,' the infant replied. 'There are two Fs in paraffin and there's no effin' petrol.'
In my day that would have got you a clip round the ear for profanity; today it proba- bly earned him a pupil-of-the-week badge. But a little more enforced rail travel to the racecourse does at least enable you to overhear more of life's philosophers. 'It had never struck me before,' said a gangly youth getting on at Reading, 'but a McDonald's hamburger smells exactly the same as a wet dog.' It put me in mind of the enterprising pair in an American town, a vet and a taxidermist who set up shop next to each other with a sign emblazoned over the two premises: 'Either way you get your dog back.' Sadly, at Newbury on Courage Best day, I had five bets and got nothing back, but it was decent day's sport.
The most courageous performance of the day came from Mark Johnston's consistent two-year-old Bouncing Bowdler in the £50,000 Dubai Duty Free Mill Reef Stakes. Headed in the last furlong, he came back under Richard Hills to beat Pomfret Lad. Owner Paul Dean was delighted. 'That's answered the question, then,' he said. `He does stay six furlongs.' My selection clearly wouldn't have stayed the six on the back of a lorry but Bouncing Bowdler did so with style, and Mr Dean explained to us the ori- gin of the horse's 'unusual name. A ball- room dancing enthusiast, he named him after John Bowdler, the organist at Black- pool Tower, who has a habit of bouncing in his seat. But although you could have had 10-1 about Bouncing Bowdler's chances, Mr Dean had not availed himself. `I don't back my own horses,' he said. 'You tend to look at them through rose-coloured glasses.'
Wise fellow. That might explain why I went home skint and Mr Dean went home to count the takings from his 22 betting shops around Manchester. Mind you, even bookmakers don't get it all right. Mr Dean used to own Deano's Beeno and parted with him when he went jumping, only to see the horse rattle up a series of victories with Martin Pipe. My laptop having swal- lowed a couple of articles and a monsoon having pursued me relentlessly around Copenhagen as I tried to record on camera a few thoughts about the Danes' Euro ref- erendum campaign, I should have known it was not my week. But when a well-connect- ed friend told me that Pat Eddery believed he could not be beaten on Nooshman, it seemed silly not to invest the fee for this article. Since the horse was backed down from 4-1 to 7-4 favourite, I was clearly not the only one in the know. But Pat hit more traffic problems than you would find on an August bank holiday. He was stuck in the pack with no way out as Peter Harris's Komistar, nicely handled by Philip Robin- son, led all the way to win the Courage Best Stakes for the second year running. Watch for Nooshman next time out. I believe that money was only lent.
Earlier, Eddery had excelled on David Elsworth's Afterjacko to win the one-mile five-furlong Tote Sporting Index Autumn Cup, keeping cool and timing his run to perfection after an early front runner had taken the legs off some of the others. He was another who went into the notebook after Elsworth told us of the four-year-old: `He'll be a very nice ten-year-old. He's improving all the time.' At home After- jacko is regularly popped over a couple of hurdles — just as therapy — and with David Elsworth having relented about giv- ing up training jumpers, I shall watch for Afterjacko's first appearance over timber. The one-mile Portchester Social Club Handicap went to Willie Muir's Kareeb at 25-1, with the Tote paying 40-1. There was not much in his previous record to suggest that Kareeb was about to make it to the winner's enclosure but having previously run him in blinkers the owners had taken the advice of jockey John Reid, who urged them after riding the horse to forget the blinkers and try him over a mile. One other factor was that he had been gelded earlier in the season, and had taken time to get over it. Co-owner Caroline Green, now running the Templeton Stud, is a vet. But she had left it to one of her colleagues to geld Kareeb. Surely he would not have taken it personally, I suggested. 'Oh they do, you know,' she said. Come to think of it, I reckon I would, too.
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