Arrangements at Woburn
AFTERTHOUGHT JOHN WELLS
Chaos, according to the Daily Telegraph, struck the National Association of Flower Arrange- ment Societies of Great Britain last week when they met at Woburn Abbey. Sixty coaches had been expected, and 270 turned up. Despite a statement by one of the organisers that the con- vention had been 'successful beyond their wildest dreams' several middle aged ladies were said to have fallen out of ground floor windows in the crush and confusion, the lavatories were reported to be 'inadequate,' and the Duke of Bedford himself was criticised for having signed only a few autographs before sneaking off and concealing himself in another part of the house. This marks another chapter in the saga of intrigue, violence and destruction that is the history of international flower arrangement: it is a story written in blood, hacked out of the living flesh in characters of horror. Garth Whist reports : Woburn, Saturday—Desolation. That is the scene here today in this monument to the bad taste of the ancient Russell family, recently augmented with that of the French-born Duchess and turned into a funfair-cum-nude- rama health club. Where only a few hours ago massed red rhododendrons qtiivered in their own reflections on polished mahogany tables, where yellow-green tulips vied with late-flower- ing daffs in a silent fanfare of lemon hues, and where pink cherry blossom glowed in the scented dusk, there is now only a litter of sharded vases, sodden petals, crushed stalks, puddles of water and trampled hats. The air is heavy with the reek of floral carnage.
How did it all begin? The pundits are divided. So is the Duchess's skirt, seized early on in the hostilities and hoisted aloft by the warring factions. Was it what has been called the Participation Explosion—the unexpected influx of Arrangers, the unprecedented 450 per cent increase that knocked predictions for six and sent Mr Bim Camoens (63), the Duke's personal Portuguese lavatory attendant, scurrying for the safety of the Servants' Ghetto? Is violence in- evitable in such overcrowded conditions? Mrs Enid Gleam (58), trapped in the doorway to the Canaletto Dining Room between Mrs F. Gravel (58-58-58) and Mrs V. Nimble (61-63-94), says it is. Mr Vivian Minims (29) on the other .hand, who found himself 'squeezed like a tiny sardine' among friends in the Mauve Powder Room, rather enjoyed it. 'Togetherness,' he told me, 'is pear-shaped.'
Sheer density of population apart, it seems certain that the weather played an important role. This is after all, the beginning of the Long Wet Summer, when the culturally under- privileged, white middle-class areas like Guild- ford and Haywards Heath, where the Flower Arrangers herd together for security, begin to seethe with tensions and frustrated desires. Trivial issues like the size of a neighbour's swimming pool, the ambitiousness of a neigh- bour's holiday plans, and in particular the scale of a neighbour's flower arrangements, dormant through long winter nights of bridge and tele- vision, can suddenly erupt on these wet sumMer
evenings into bubbling geysers of hatred, envy and malice, often resulting in loss of life and savage mutual destruction.
It was also perhaps inevitable that feelings should run high here, of all places, at the very Mecca of devout Flower Arrangers from all over the country. It is widely believed by the more fanatical members of the sect that when they die they will come here to Woburn Abbey to live for ever in this massive semi-detached paradise. The Duke and Duchess have recently been canonised as the living ideal of all sub- urban aspiration, and the fact that the Duke had to withdraw early on in the proceedings in order to run through ten more 'takes' of the short film in which he currently stars, selecting a chocolate from a box offered him by the Duchess and saying 'Mm—fudge-flavoured, too!' may have caused acute disappointment among their more fanatical admirers.
Fundamentally, however, it seems to have been political resentment that finally tore through this peaceful, close-packed assembly like a tornado, leaving the floors strewn with scattered blooms and the flower-beds thick with fallen women. For some time now, the 'liberal' Flower Arrangers have held precarious sway in the Association, encouraging more natural arrangements, advocating mixed colour schemes, and playing down the role of the Arranger. Traditional patterns and settings have been questioned, and outside observers had expressed the hope that it might soon be pos- sible to enjoy a 'nice bunch of flowers' for its own sake rather than having to tolerate the lifeless and time-consuming displays that had been popular in the past.
Feeling their identity questioned, however, orthodox Flower Arrangers of all persuasions began to join forces, laying stress on the import- ance of 'authority' and arrangement, whether they were in favour of monochromatic group- ings or of mixed colours, strictly traditional patterns or carefully managed disarray. Finding numerous imperfections in the 'liberal' method, and determined at all costs to reinstate the Arranger in an authoritarian capacity, both left and right wing factions met here this week prepared for a shown-down. It was when Miss Valerie Makepiece (39), a prominent 'liberal' and on this occasion manifestly 'the worse for wear,' was demonstrating new methods, including the controversial 'vase full of water with an umbrella in it' and the more familiar 'daffodils upside down in an enamel bucket' that the explosion occurred.
The left wing lobby, having convened beneath the dog pictures in the room dedicated to the Flying Duchess of Bedford, apparently swept through the Chinese Dining Room, doing widespread damage to the present Duchess's Japanese knick-knacks, and erupted into Miss Makepiece's peaceful but already overcrowded demonstration. Interpreting the bearded appear- ance of many of the older ladies as 'inflam- matory,' and incensed by their 'satirical' placards, 'Hands off the Pansies,' the right wing faction immediately carried out an umbrella charge. Miss Makepiece was dragged from the platform and trodden under foot, and while hooligan elements ran whooping from arrange- ment to arrangement, smashing china and des- troying flowers, grunting extremists wrestled grimly through the house, some trying to stab each other with the knives and forks chained to the Woburn tables. At the moment all is calm except for sporadic fighting in the con- servatory. But with few flowers left to arrange :he prospects for peace do not seem bright.
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