COMPETITION

After Gorey

Jaspistos

In Competition No. 1562 you were in- vited to rival a poem in couplets by Edward Gorey about imaginary animals, inventing your own and covering eight consecutive letters of the alphabet.

A hugely popular competition, which once again, like the last animal challenge, brought the backwoodsmen rhyming from distant and unfamiliar groves. I'm sorry I have no space to list all the names in the bizarre bestiary you assembled, but two touching creatures should be saved from oblivion, the brain-pups of Betty Murton and Ba Miller:

The Arctic Nulk's a rotten mother.

Each spring she mutters, 'Damn! Another!'

and

The Eeque has tiny paws like forceps And likes to sleep on people's doorsteps.

The winners are all newcomers or occa- sionals. They get £13 ,apiece and congra- tulations on having matched Gorey and outmatched our more regular prize-takers. The bonus bottle of Cockburn's Late Bot- tled Vintage Port 1982, presented by Cock- burn Smithes & Co Ltd, is awarded to W. J. Webster.

While Gelltics are the missing link Between the cochineal and ink, Hichaechocs fill the vacant space For something flatter than a plaice. The Inchoastus, vast and squat, Is thought of as a landscape blot, But dwindles to a dancing mote When seen against a Jygozoht.

The Kyew is more to human scale, With half-inch head and six-foot tail - The prey, lubriciously pursued, Of drooling swarms of Lickerlude.

Above them all, Miraggloboids Float ether-high like monad voids, While ground-bound Numwits wonder why Their wings won't walk, their legs won't fly. (W. J. Webster) The feather-footed Squigglepat Sings just like us (if slightly flat).

Less musical, the Tuskobump Makes ululations through its rump.

The Ubskus lives in Nova Scotia On food that must be strictly kosher,

Though Vimbles, smaller than the flea,

Prefer to dine on you and me.

The pug-nosed Wimsquash only mates In leap-years on uneven dates, Unlike the Xangsters, which delight In coupling sixteen times a night. Yongfoos, uniquely found on Sark, Turn pinkish-purple after dark, And the trigloptic Zankopist Completes the endangered species list.

(Peter Hadley) The Snogel hibernates in holes On ski-slopes, under slalom poles. The Thud, head downward, climbs treetops, Reverses up too far — and drops. The Umbelow, surprisingly, Lives solely on Darjeeling tea. The sporting Veq allows its prey One final chance to get away. The Woosy's natural habitat Is a half-empty cider vat. Tapping on planks, the Xylophile Plays melodies with skill and style. The Yesyes never smells a rose: It can't because it has no nose.

The Zaab believes in Honi soil .

It lives in a menage a trois. (Geoffrey Riley) The rarest bird's the Scissorbeak, Which, when it mates, emits a squeak. Common crustaceans with a hump Are jealous of the Thimblethump.

The Himalayan Uggerbug Is much sought after as a rug.

Of all the beasts beware the Vile - Not for its smell, but for its smile.

The Wiggerworm's a long thin thing And rolls up like a a ball of string.

The Twisted Wigger changes sex, So experts call it now the X.

The seven-hundred-year-old Yogg Sleeps through the centuries like a log.

Meanwhile, the Zoozug breeds a type Of zombie with a zigzag stripe.

(Robert Roberts) The Irriscart's high, piercing shriek Betokens a rain-sodden week. The Jert has long, concealing fur Is he a him or she a her?

The tiny Karlson's Koop is most Delicious when it's served on toast. Unknown to science is the Lello, But locals fear its hollow bellow. Minguls and other allied species Cohabit only with their nieces. Be wary of the two-nosed Nuk; Though coy, when crossed it runs amok. The Oui, a native of Mauritius, Despite its charm is rather vicious. The Phatan builds a nest from shreds Of furfur filched from balding heads.

(E. Hogg) The Dingletoot is loved by all, For none can hear its soundless call.

The Erbledonk, it's say to say, Makes such a row it turns folk grey.

The Findlebrit is hard to see - Invisible above the knee.

The Ginder moulting, puce and squat, Is everything you'd rather not.

The Hoistpeded lives upside-down, So when it smiles it's seen to frown.

The lrquelbine's an omnivore That crunches up both root and fur.

The Jaddlemeer bemoans its size With squeaks and groans and horrid cries.

The Klook, forlorn and all alone, Takes years to hatch its eggs of stone.

(Louisa Smith)