If symptoms
persist.. .
LAST WEEK, I did a clinic in the prison. As I arrived all eyes were upon me: I was the prisoners' hope of sleeping tablets, new shoes, unsupervised gym, an X-ray to pass the time, an apple after lunch, light work, a job in the kitchen, a fat-free diet and the thousand natural requests that prison doctors are heir to. As I approached my room, one of the prisoners waiting in the long line to con- sult me called out, 'Doctor, my ribs are buggered!' What on earth are buggered ribs? I wondered. They sounded like something Texans might eat outdoors on a moonlit night. Then a prisoner, whose first and only language was English, handed me a letter written in childish capitals. He gave it to me in a furtive, ferret-like movement. He did not want the supervising screw to see.
I B— H— KANT (can't) LIVE THE LIVE (life) AS A PRISONER HENY MOOR (any more) IF I STEY IN PRISON I WILL DEFNTLEY HEND MY LIVETH (life) I KANT GOW ON LIVING THE LIETH (life) AS 1 HATH BEN LIVING FOR SO LONG I WOOD LIECK (like) TO HELP PEPOL WITH THE SAME PROBLAMS AS MY SELTH WITH HALCOLICK A BIWS (alcohol abuse) AND DRUG A BIWS AND BENIG A SIWER SIDOL (being suicidal) MY SELTH I DOW NOT DIS- BLTH (disbelieve) WON WERD (one word) YOU OLL (all) TEL ME BUT CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HED THAT I WILL DETHIANTLY (definite- ly) HAF TO STEY IN THE SLAME (slammer) OLL MY LIETH I APOLA JIZE FOR OLL THE TROBL I HATH KOSD (caused) YOU BUT I PROMIS I WONT DOW HENY THING TIL I GET OWT OF ERE I HAM HONDER (under) A LOT OF STRAEN (strain) AND I HAM PRESHOW IT (appreciate) WAT DR DALRIMPL IS DOWING FOR ME BUT IF I HAM GIVON A CHANS WETH (given a chance whether) YOU BLEEVE ME OR NOT I WILL PROWTH (prove) TO YOU OLL THAT 1 HATH GOT A HART AND HAM NOT THE BIG UST BASTERD POPOL FINK I HAM I HATH HOLWIS WON- TID (have always wanted) TO HELP
HOTHER PEPOL AND STILL DOW THIS IS NOT BLACK MAEL THIS IS THE TROWTH I HOPE WON DAY 1 COOD BE COME A NERS (could become a nurse) AND DOW THE MAR- VLISS JOB THEY DOW FOR PEPOL LIECK MYSELF I HAME SORY A BOWT THE TEMPS (attempts) I HATH TAKON (have taken) ON MY LIETH SINS (since) I HATH BEN YER (been here) BUT I HAT DON 23 YERS IN JAIL AND I JUST KANT DOW HENY MORE JAIL BUT IF IT GOODS (God's) WILL FOR ME TO GOW TO JAIL FOR THE REST OF MY LIETH WELL HE AS THORT (has thought) THAT AND NOWS I WILL LEEV PRISN IN A SOCKS (knows I will leave prison in a box) BECAWS I WILL HEND IT OLL I CEEP REPET (keep repeating) MY SELTH I WILL HEND IT OLL WILL HEND IT OLL I WILL HEND IT OLL I WILL HEND IT OLL I WILL HEND IT OLL.
Shirley Williams and her splendid cre- ation, the British educational system, strike again!
Theodore Dalrymple
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