Butter for the Bourgeois
The Belgians have recently set up a Ministry for the Middle Classes, one of whose chief tasks, no doubt, will be to protect its charges from other organs of government. Competitors were invited to submit an extract from a circular issued by an English Ministry for the Middle Classes.
Most of those who attained the manner allowed their subject matter to become too dull—even for this occasion. Honourable exceptions were Granville Garley ("Com- plaints of slanderous asides or pointed whimsicalities . . . of the 'Jerks on perks' or 'Lolly-Brolly' variety to be reported to the Ministry's legal defence section for appropriate action") and John Brown ("On being addressed as 'Luv' or 'Ducks' or 'Mate' by conductors of buses • . . the MMC concerned should ignore the con- ductor until he or she uses the required 'Sir."). Douglas Hawson broke interesting ground with a cautiously proffered gardening grant ("Lawns shall not exceed half an acre in overall extent.... Hedges shall be of privet and flowers in beds must be of officially approved species"). Sir Patrick Laird contributed some rather too realistic paragraphs on the Middle Classes (Disa- bilities Relief) Act, 1956; and A. G. shrewdly drew attention to the Report of the Doolittle Committee on Middle Class Morality and suggested a Certificate of Notional Respect- ability for registered middle class citizens who found the pace too hot. But the other competitors showed surprisingly little initi- ative, and at one stage I even began to think of withholding the prize money. It seemed a little hard, though, to pick on competitors, in the absence of a department charged with the task of protecting their interests; and, on consideration, I suggest payments of £3 to Roff and £1 each to R. B. Browning and Allan M. Laing for the entries printed below. Runners-up : R. Kennard Davis and the Rev. J. P. Stevenson.
PRIZES (aoFT)
To Employers of Middle-Class Labour Tea-rooms and Milk-bars.) The production of such duly authorised document is to be taken as possession thereof and, ipso facto, as belonging to the person in the category covered by this CIRCULAR.
18. Notice is required in writing if any holder of a duly authorised document (see Para. 17 above) wishing to relinquish his or her status in order to revert to Classes•above, or below, that of the MIDDLE CLASS. Such notice is to be current for THREE MONTHS after which the transfer may be approved by the appropriate sub-committee of the Five Classes involved. (See Appendix CLVI1).
(ALLAN M. LAING)
Extract from a Ministry of Middle Classes Circular . . . important, therefore, to define the Ministry's scope. While no mathematically precise adumbration of the Middle Classes is practicable, the Minister feels that a negative
approach may offer helpful results. He would point out that the term Middle Classes almost certainly rules out what are known as the Upper Classes. He feels likewise on firm ground in advancing the view that the Lower Classes are definitely excluded. It follows, therefore, that the Ministry's concern is with that body of citizens who, being neither of the Upper nor the Lower Classes, occupy a more or less Middle position.
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