25 MAY 1991, Page 45

No. 1680: Safety first

'And, 0 my son, be on the one hand good, And do not on the other hand be bad;

For that is very much the safest plan.'

So Housman's Chorus intones in his side- splitting parody of a Greek tragedy. You are invited to add up to 16 lines in the same dreary, cautionary tone. Entries to 'Com- petition No. 1680' by 7 June.