YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED Q. Your correspondent M-A.S. sought advice on
a tipping dilemma (17 March). For future reference she might follow the example of the Japanese, many of whom cam ready-wrapped presents of small items, such as leather wallets, in their cars at all times. In their highly formal social and business lives they never know when they may receive a present and do not wish to appear to have been unprepared to return the compliment. Surely the thrusting forward of such a gift would have been an ideal way for M-A.S. to have rewarded the young man of indeterminate rank who mended her puncture? A.J.B., London SW3 A. You are quite right. It would indeed.
Q. My husband and I run a small stud. The telephone at the stud has three extensions, so it rings in my husband's office, in the tack room and in the stud manager's house. Our problem is that the stud manager's wife often picks up the phone in their house, but does not put it down again if it is not for her. Instead, she continues listening on the line — one can just tell from the breathing. The girl grooms are particularly indignant about this as they say she is polic- ing the calls they receive from boyfriends.
Dear Mary..
My husband and I find it equally annoying as she listens in when I ring him at his office. None of us, however, can bring our- selves to say, 'Can you hang up, Mrs S.? I know you're listening. . . ' as it seems so aggressive and she is not the sort of person to whom one could say such a thing. What do you suggest?
Name and address withheld A. People who listen in on telephone exten- sions do so for two reasons. First, insatiable curiosity, usually because they have no life of their own. Second, because they are pretty confident that no one can prove they are listening. Why not, therefore, make your own British Telecom announcement. Speak into a tape-recorder in an odd atonal voice, saying, 'The other person has not cleared.' Set this tape a-going next time you ring your husband. You may then shout pleasantly, 'Good gracious, someone can't have hung up. Mrs S.! Mrs S.! Girls! Hang up, please!' Once detected she will be twice shy, and it is unlikely that Mrs S. will try lis- tening in again.
Q. We have come to Barbados to get away from it all at the best hotel in the world, but we had no idea how 'social' it was. How can my husband and I tactfully fend off social advances without seeming stand-offish? It is not that we don't like other people, just that we have had a surfeit of them in Lon- don and don't want to make an effort while on holiday.
Name withheld, Sandy Lane Hotel, Barbados A. A foolproof method of discouraging people would be to tell one or two of those who make overtures that you are not ordi- nary holidaymakers. Instead, your husband is a persistent offender who attends the Bryn Melyn centre. Say that his was one of the last cases to 'get through' before public outrage forced a change in the policy of sending people on tropical holidays, and that far from being his wife you are his pro- bation officer or minder. The news will soon spread and fellow guests will give you a wide berth.
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