Travellers' Joys

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 395 Report by Angela Kent

Crompetitors have been invited by a travel agent to write a testimonial for one of his holidays. They 'ike the agent but loathed the holiday, so they compromise by leaving hints for the discerning.

,,FrER considering all the entries, my first reac- tion was to decide that I would spend the whole ‘1. next summer at home reading the Spectator, ()) I even watching ITV, rather than risk putting a foot outside the garden. Conducted continental coach trips had caused the most concern to com- petitors, but Happy Holiday Camps ran them a "se second. There were one or two extremely odd, even macabre, holidays described, such as Lindon's 'Necrophiles' Tour': entertaining but surely the discerning would never consider such horrors? Travel agents, please note : the chief complaints were of over-organisation, under-organisation, foreign holidays that were too much like England and foreign holidays that were too foreign. , There were quite a number of good lines, but 1,.1 was hard to find entries that were consistently convincing; many of the hints were too blatant, 4_n,(.1 at the other extreme some competitors simply objected to types of holiday that they disliked, Without making it fairly clear that the particular holiday was bad of its kind. 1 liked Nancy Gunter's description of life at lartantriPs Jollidays Hostel, but thought an excesstack.0

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i pneumonia and a sprained back a little Commended, too, are Martin Hutton, A. Findlay an J. A. Lindo. I award two guineas to Vera Telferd and one guinea L. each to S. C., for the best of the English coach tours, to Mrs. Agnes Kennett, to Gloria Prince, for originality oZged with plausibility. and to R. A. McKenzie, fly for his penultimate sentence. Here first are quotations from other almost Prizeworthy entries : CONDUCTED TOURS II:The itinerary passes through popular resorts, and .leven-hour stage from Imbroglio to Cascara, h might be fatiguing, is enlivened by the sallies T'Itinertet) courier—himself a harmonica virtuoso.' (Guy

1

Never, since schooldays, have we lived so close if°,1sc, hedule; and it was certainly no fault of Mr. X zi.!_ve missed 'one historic building, ancient monument, ihr.o,us statue, or beautiful vista, and learned- some

each.' (Zilla North.)

of h ti he Coach journ recalls the thrilling atmosphere

e Miglia.' e (y John Brown.)

s,:Sce Ireland from a Donkcy! The Famous Beauty Emerald and soft welcoming countryside of the va'"nerald Isle will seem doubly desirable from your Points in the saddle' (Marion Lea.)

'I gladly recommend your tours to anyone seeking not so much a holiday as a Rich Experience!' (Ruth Clay.)

'My seat in the coach was designed to prevent any tendency to slumb'er from interfering with my en- joyment of the slowly passing scenery.' (R. M. Hastie-Smith.) 'In short, one buys a memorable experience when taken for a Ride by Mr. Y' (D. R. Peddy.) 'The itinerary showed us aspects of several coun- tries seldom seen by the tourist who is generally assumed to travel for enjoyment.' (W. K. Holmes.) 'What fun to miss trains by a few seconds only.' (Allan M. Laing.)

'His admirably flexible arrangements allowed us frequently to alter hotel bookings, when this seemed desirable.' (R. Kennard Davis.) FOOD AND DRINK

'One of, our boys, who eats like a horse, expressed himself entirely satisfied with the meals.' (I. M. Connor.) 'My wife says that, for her part. she will never forget the tremendous tang of the coarse red vin du pays sipped warm from the communal tin cup.' (J. Sweetman.) ■

PRIMITIVE PLEASURES 'Mine host proved a veritable child of Nature, his simplicity preserving him, and us, from most of the artificialities and affectations bred by our civilisa- tion—in Raymond Chandler's phrase—"of the tiled bathroom." ' (John Digby.) 'And Sumpwater's natives? Their manners, morals and customs, which would delight an archwologist, are beyond words.' (Pihwob.) PRIZES

(VERA TELFER)

T cannot speak too highly of the holiday in Brittany, which Mr. Mapp arranged for me. The annexe, in which I slept, situated on a hill, where friendly traffic ran until the early morning, over- looked the hotel at a picturesque distance. The privacy of my airy, uncluttered bedroom was re- spected by the staff, who, however, showed their cordial feelings on the day I left. My English palate was not outraged by foreign cooking nor was the menu so overloaded that I could not enjoy numerous meals at many little restaurants, where, if it were raining, I could sit for hours,

s. c.)

We thoroughly enjoyed the tour planned for us. In particular we have pleasure in recommending the BUMPEEZI coach and the courtesy of your driver. His apology for the breakdown at Beetlewick was phrased with refreshing sincerity, We shall ever remember our journey across the Slopston Marshes, and the charm of the unidentified village in which we were able to spend a day and a half (due to tyre trouble).

The hotels chosen for us were of a standard which we soon came to recognise and expect, a detail which, we feel sure, is maintained in every holiday arranged by you.

(MRS. AGNF.S KENNEL r) 'Unforgettable' aptly describes our sojourn in the Pensione Maldoma. After a sixty-hour ral iourncy how one appreciates the invigorating two-mile walk (the quaint mule-track leading to the pensione has no truck (! ) with modern transport).

This delightful pens'onc offers bubbling spring- water in exchange for h. and c. and, instead of the usual intimidating menu, the simple dishes of the peasant have a subtle novelty for the jaded palate. The 'Maldoma Special' is the ham—smoked in art outhouse by a secret and impressively pungent process.

'We spare no effort to make your holiday a success' is their proud and candid boast.

(GLORIA PRINCE)

Blackberrying in Kent made a most unusual holi- day, and if ever I feel drawn to blackberries again I will certainly repeat it. We were all surprisingly good-tempered, playing rummy in the caravans on wet days and borrowing one another's magazines and midge-ointment. Each basket of blackberries picked was something off the bill, a constant stimulus to flagging spirits; and there were lovely fresh black- berry tarts every day on the lunch tables and delicious blackberry jam for tea, But a word of warning. Those sillies who dislike spiders or mind getting their clothes torn should think carefully before de- ciding.

(R. A. MCKENZIE)

I would never have dared to think of climbing Dead Man's Pinnacle if I hadn't seen your advertise- ment—hut what a holiday it made! The unaccus- tomed hard daily exercise with a sheer 5,000-foot drop under my heels caused me to sweat away all my accumulated fat, so that I returned home two stone lighter than I went, attractively sunburnt on the backs of my hands, and with nerves quite different. Only one accident occurred—through a faulty piton, of all things!—and even that would scarcely have been serious if the whiale party had held fast. Incomparable fun!