YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. In recent weeks I have been inundated by a veritable flood of invitations to 'Christ- mas Sales' where wives of Lloyd's names and similar club together to hold a sale of their wares in a friend's house. Often the friend will say come and stay to lunch or dinner afterwards, but even if they don't, one feels honour bound to buy something from amongst the selection of costume jew- ellery, hand-made jumpers, pot-pourri devoid of any smell, wooden ashtrays that catch fire and dried flower decorations. One wouldn't mind, but there is a limit to the number of things one wants for oneself or to give as a present, and I find myself becoming slightly bitter as my cupboard fills up with these unwanted gifts. Yet one cannot leave without saying goodbye and if you try to leave empty-handed they say, `Surely we can find something for you . . . ' and one is virtually forced to buy some- thing. S.H., Cirencester A. The best solution is to arrive at the sale with a large carrier bag in your hand. Lying on the bottom of the bag should be two unused sheets of tissue paper, slim and smooth and about the size of two airmail letters. Halfway through your tour of the stalls you can pop to the loo and fluff your tissue paper up so that it takes up the whole plastic bag. Drop some coins into the bot- tom of the bag to give it weight and then return to the mêlée. Carry on chatting your way around the room and being pleasant. You can then look at your watch suddenly and pretend you are late for another appointment. Make hurried goodbyes so that no one has time to ask you exactly what you bought. The important thing is that you will appear to have bought some- thing.
Q. I want to give a 40th birthday party for my husband but have been rather put off the idea by a photographer friend whose own 40th birthday party was the cause of far more rancour than celebration. 'Never give a party, is my motto,' he says. 'You just make a whole new set of enemies amongst people you don't ask.' Our problem is that we can only invite 60 people as we are giv- ing them dinner, and there are certain peo- ple who aren't as old friends as certain oth- ers yet whom we would prefer to have. How can we get around this problem as everyone we know knows one another and.Hw will konrcosw . the party is happening? c A. The key thing to do when giving small 40th birthday parties is to issue the invita- tions verbally. Printed invitations will be displayed on mantelpieces and cork-boards around society, where people who are not invited will see them and be upset. Ring around the friends you do want — giving them plenty of notice — and say, 'It's Charles's birthday on the such-and-such. Will you come to dinner?' Underplay the grandeur of the occasion (though say, 'I'm wearing my new dress because I thought it would be nice if we dressed up a bit') and let people be pleasantly surprised when they arrive to see hordes of others. But in this way they will not have time to whip up envy among people who are not invited and because 'important' parties are inextricably linked to stiff white invitation cards in most people's minds. The fact that these were never issued will be enough to diminish the party's importance in the minds of those who were not asked.
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