SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 6 9 '
Report by N. K. Boot The frontispiece to "Elephant Bill" by Lt.-Col. J. H. Williams shows a photograph of two elephants with the following caption : " A young male calf. about two and a hall years old, and his soother. He is eating a leaf and challenging an intruder. The mother's turned-over ears show that she is at least forty-five years old." A prize of £5 was offered for an equally factual and informa- tive caption to a photograph of human beings taken al an agricul- tural show, a hunt ball, or a theatre first night.
Anyone who has had the pleasure of reading Colonel Williams's book will know what a lot there is to be learned about elephants as the result of prolonged investigation. In the case of elephants, apparently, knowledge is the forerunner of affection. How sad it is to find that in Man a study of his own kind seems to bring nothing but contempt. There was, I am afraid, very little sign of pity in the entries, except towards farmers and playwrights.
Some competitors made the mistake of expanding their expert knowledge of the human race, and their considerable dislike for it, into a disquisition which was too lengthy for a caption. These entries were frequently amusing (and on at least one occasion libel- lous), but the essence of a caption is to be brief and economical. I liked, for example, the entries of W. M. Mathieson and Lt.-Col. R. Whalley, though they were a bit too prolix for a prize.
• "Sir John and Lady Bovine and friend. Sir John Bovine (pronounced Boveen) has his back to the camera. He is stoop- ing down to admire a prize sow. Noteworthy is the wide expanse of invisible mending in the seat of his breeches, executed by Lady Bovine. It is a. remarkable example of post- war needlework. Lady Bovine is standing beside Sir John, profile to camera, leaning with her right hand on a shooting- stick ; her left foot is uptilted, toe to ground. She wears number nine in men's shoes, the left one of which can be seen to call for re-soling. She is laughing heartily, with bead thrown back, at one of Sir John's well-known jokes: the length of tooth thus revealed suggests that she is in the over- fifty class."
"The figure on the left in a well-cut pair of riding-breeches is a small farmer ; his carefree appearance and smooth cheeks preclude the idea of his farming on a large scale. The key to his prosperous appearance is provided by the fountain pen in his breast pocket. He writes books about farming (in which he has quite recently engaged) for townspeople. The man in the good, but worn lounge suit, with a sheaf of leaflets in his hand from the various agricultural machinery stands, is a retired officer of the fighting forces, eking out his inadequate pre-war pension by losing money as a hard-working amateur farmer. The lady on the right is not, strictly speaking, con- nected with the land. She is a breeder of pedigree Pekes and is an exhibitor in the Dog Show, which, as is usual, is one of the adjuncts of the County Show."
Other good extracts: "Youngish girl, milking cow, and her employer. Latter is a grizzled male, whose thinning hair indicates middle-age, but whose smart coat and intensely amiable expression point to youthful aspiration and an amorous disposition. The girl, from that side of her face which is not pressed into the cow's flank, sends out a wink to the callow male in the background. Absence .of the usual nylons and lipstick means that she is not available, at the moment, for courting." (Allan M. Laing.) "... In the background looms a noble specimen of a species soon to be extinct as the quagga—a County Dowager in full plumage. Note the magnificent drooping jowls, the curved, mouflon-like nose, the top-knot of iron-grey retriever-curls, all crowned with the ritual spike demilune of lustreless diamonds, worn slightly askew." (H. T, V. Burton.) " The lines of pure agony on the critic's face show him to be at least one thousand years old in disillusionment. He is picking his words carefully for his companion's benefit, whose long auburn beard shows him to be at least twenty years of age.... (Valerie Ranzetta.) "Three females and an elderly male at the entrance to a theatre. The females are jostling tci get in front of the camera. Their ages are uncertain but the exaggerated make-up probably indicates over 30. The dramatic nature of dress and pose shows them to be members, or more probably ex-members, tif the theatrical profession. The male, just visible behind them, is probably in front of the camera by accident. The pens pro- truding from his pocket and the cynical curl of his lip show him to be a dramatic critic. He is chewing a cigar and preparing to damn with faint praise." (Douglas Howson.) In the end I decided to give a first prize of £2 to Frances Coiling- wood for a good pithy caption, and three second prizes of ft each to Henry Palca, W. Bernard Wake and Michael James.
-FIRST PRIZE
(FacEs Cou.mcw000) The middle-aged autltor of the play and his adoring secretary. The white granules in his beard show that he has dined off aspirins to soothe his nerves. His companion wears a tight-fitting turban to Correct the prick of her ears caused by sustained listening.
SECOND PRIZES
(HENRY PALCA)
The bottom steps of The grand staircase, on which are seated one young female and a male companion. He is straightening his white tie and rubbing his cheek with a pocket handkerchief. She has adopted a bolt upright position and has the beginnings of an elegant smile about her lips. The labels on the two bottles by their side are unfortu- nately indecipherable, but the fact that they are upside-down indicates that the picture was taken towards the close of the ball.
(W. BERNARD WAKE)
A supper pany at the Blankshire hunt ball. • The picture shows a mother and daughter with two young males. The photographer has interrupted their feeding and all heads arc turned towards the camera. The resemblance to stuffed specimens is due to the effect of the flash- light. and the mask-like appearance of the older woman indicates that her face has been lifted. On the extreme left may be seen the hind part of a waiter who intruded as the picture was being taken, and was driven off.
(MicHAEL JAMES)
A fine specimen of a shire farmer, at bay, taken at the Royal Loam- shire Agricultural Show. His weight was guessed—accurately within two ounces—as 252 lb. for the wager of a gold ring by a showman later in the day. His leggings and square bowler hat show his age to be nearing sixty and arc in contrast to the hacking-jacket, flannel trousers and bare head of his son, who stands near by. He is sur- rounded by the predatory types which infest these occasions, and has bared his cheque-book in defiance Nearest to him is an implement salesman, brandishing a glossy catalogue; blocking his retreat is a bank manager, roused to ferocity by the sight of the cheque-book. A cattle cake and fertiliser agent can be seen approaching from up-wind, whilst lurking behind the wastepaper oin is a small pack of advisory experts from the Ministry of Agriculture.
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