YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. My boyfriend, to whom I am engaged, hIS many desirable qualities. However he has. one major defect which I cannot ignore asit can manifest itself as often as three times per day. I am referring to the fact that he eats with his mouth. open and talks to the person next to him with the food visi- 131Y swirling around inside as though it were a concrete . mixer. There is no problem "en we are alone together as 1 simply lean foRvard and snap his jaw shut. He responds ilnaggressively. However, when we are at very big dinner parties, which we often are, 1.am often too far away to attract his atten-
n. What can I do, as I otherwise squirm wah embarrassment on his behalf as I see !he horrified expression on the face of his mtedocutor?
R.M. W.10 4' Why not bring along with you to social engagements a few small pre-mixed boul- ders of ready mix cement? Each one need enlY be the size of, say, five peas in toto. Y.ou can easily find a way of discreetly slip- Ping one of these mini-boulders on to your °°YIriend's plate — perhaps placing it
immediately adjacent to his pile of salt. This means that each time he loads his fork and directs it towards the flavour-enhanc- ing salt, his attention will be attracted by the mini boulder of cement and will remind him to try and correct his defect by keeping his mouth shut. Should those next to him notice the mini-boulder and make enquiries, he can easily pretend that this is something he has discreetly spat out.
Q. I work in the fashion department of a glossy magazine. One of my junior assis- tants keeps having her hair cut really short in the mistaken idea that it makes her look like a boy. In fact she is not slim enough and the cut just makes her head look too small for her body. What is worse, however, is that she has a mole on the back of her neck with one straight hair marching out of it. How should I most tactfully tell her that the style does not suit her when the rest of my department has hypocritically pretend- ed that it does? Needless to say, she is inse- cure about her appearance.
Name withheld. W1.
A. As polaroid cameras are always popping in fashion rooms of glossy magazines, could you not arrange to accidentally discharge a shot when the camera was pointing at the back of her head? Continue until you have a shot which shows the mole and hair in its full definition then leave it absent-mindedly on this junior assistant's desk for her dis- covery.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem write to 'Dear Mary', The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL
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