YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. What would happen to one's nose if one did not pick it? C.D., New York 10017 4. A doctor informs me that the nostril area would become congested and finally entirely blocked. This would lead to respi- ratory disorders and maddening nasal dis- comfort. Humans are therefore obliged to remove this detritus and the most aesthetic method of doing so is to blow it into a handkerchief (privately). Though it is wide- ly accepted that most people will extract it by digital means, this activity should never be performed in front of another person.
Q. An old friend has for years extended the Principle of recycling envelopes by adding her addressee's name above her own on a carefully opened envelope, putting `c/o' before her own name, then readdressing the envelope as if the recipient had moved on. In this way she avoids having to buy stamps. She has now started sticking typed address labels over business reply service envelopes sent to her. No doubt she is unaware that, because the Post Office Checks the licence number, the recipient has to pay not only the second-class rate but a 14 pence penalty as well. Can you suggest a way of shaming her out of this irritating habit? Name and address withheld A. Why not punish her by sending a batch of similar envelopes directly to her own address — each one of them filled only with a blank sheet of paper and with no evi- dence of the sender's identity? In this way she will at least learn about the fine and may even cease the practice should she become windy about being caught out in her deception by Post Office officials.
Q. I was recently waiting in a restaurant for a friend who was to join me for lunch. He was late and I was early. I had just sat down when two people, both of whom I knew slightly, were ushered by the waiter to the
next table, about three feet away. We said `hello' etc., and exchanged a couple of sen- tences. Then they began to talk. My friend failed to arrive for another 20 minutes or so. I was keenly conscious that I was spoil- ing my neighbours' lunch, as I could not help overhearing everything they were say- ing to one another in this virtually empty restaurant. What should I have done?
P.P.R., W11 A. You should have called the waiter and said loudly, 'Is there a telephone here?' `Yes, sir,' the waiter would have replied, indicating where it was situated. You could then rise from the table as though to make a call. Secretly, however, you would have taken the waiter aside and informed him of your predicament. A moment after your return to your table he could have approached you and spoken the following lines, suggested by you: 'Excuse me, sir. May I move you to a larger table? Mr X has just telephoned to say he is on his way but he is bringing a friend, so there will be three of you.' In this way you could have been moved to a table behind a pillar or otherwise out of the sight and earshot of your two acquaintances.
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