The case of the appointment of a new American Ambassador
at Berlin has moved "Mr. Dooley" to discuss diplomacy in his raciest style. After recounting the amazing experiences of Epaminondas Splash at St. Petersburg and Berlin, the sage rebukes his country for its neglect of its Diplomatic Service. "How little do we think about th' thin blue line iv diplomats that so bravely waltzes in defuse iv our counthry's honor in th' Coorts iv Europe We pay little heed to th' men we sind abroad, wyether befure or either we skid thim. Somebody's son, somebody's brother, some- body's banker, somebody's darling is shipped off to those mysteryous furrin' parts to fight his counthry's battle an' his wife's against th' inimies of both. We little know nor care about him Yet ivrywhere American diplomacy is alert an' watchful. It braves th' terrors iv languages it doesn't know, iv customs it's afraid iv, iv clothes that it used to think foolish at a fancy dhress ball, an' succumbs to all iv them that our raypublio shall live." If Mr. Dooley had his way, be would pay them better while they were abroad, and pension them on their return. "We give money to a man that lost his leg at Shiloh or his granfather did. Why shudden't we pension a man that lost his head in th' sarvice iv his counthry at th' Coort iv Saint James ? " Personally, he has no ambition to be an Ambassador if he had to come home again. " Th' life is gay, but it unfits ye Fr home cookin'."
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