YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. I recently attended an international seminar at a most prestigious country house. I shared a bathroom with a col- league whose bedroom also adjoined it through a separate connecting door. Dur- ing the night, I had an unanticipated call of nature. I faced a dilemma. Should I have pulled the chain — in which case I would almost certainly have woken up my doubt- less worn-out colleague? Or should I have pursued a policy of masterly inactivity, in which case my doubtless sensitive neigh- bour, though fully refreshed, would have been faced with an aesthetically undesir- able start to his day? I pursued the latter course, but remain uneasy. What do you suggest for next time?
A.M., Twickenham, Middlesex A. I suggest you lay a 'bed' of lavatory paper over the offending matter so that it is at least invisible to your colleague first thing the next morning. I also advise leav- ing a handwritten notice, attached to the closed lavatory lid, stating 'Out of Order'. The inconvenience to your colleague, of
Dear Mary.. .
finding another lavatory in a country house, would be minimal compared to what he otherwise might experience.
Q. I live in a glorified council house which I hope the council-tax assessor will regard as terraced but which estate agents would oth- erwise describe as 'link detached'. My neighbour is an amiable man, coming from a distant part of the United Kingdom; he is lethargically indolent. When he acquired a new car he left the old derelict one on his driveway outside his garage and the new one is parked behind it towards the road. In getting in and out of his car he takes great care not to walk on my garden, but the postman and the milkman and others do not. Having already asked about the dispos- al of the old car, how can I cause it to dis- appear without starting a feud?
L. E.H., Colchester A. Arrange for a secondhand-car dealer or scrap-metal dealer to call around at a time when your neighbour is not likely to be in. Ask for a valuation of the car's worth as though you are the owner. You may then proceed towards asking your neighbour if you can buy the car for yourself. Offer him the figure you have been quoted. If he accepts you may pay up and get your dealer to come and take it away within a couple of days, telling your neighbour that you had found the car unsuitable for your purposes after all.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, please write to 'Dear Mary, The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London, WCIN 2LL
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