Westminster Corridors
There has lately risen to Fame and 'Eminence among us a new Breed of Alchemists and Necromancers who yet advance the old Claim to predict future Events with sureness and accuracy. Foremost among these Seers at present is Master Edmund Stillman, who first imported the Secrets of the New Prophecy to the fair Country of France from his native land, the American Colonies. Well-knowing the Present Disposition of the French People, he Declared that their Future would be Renowned through all Europe for Glorious Success, whereupon he was hailed,as a percipient and shrewd Observer of human Events through all Paris, in which City he founded his Hudson Academy for the Study and Classification of Events that have not yet happened.
Not any the less knowledgeable concerning the present Disposition of the English Nation, Master Stillman has but recently arrived among us to report that this Kingdom is suffering from a dread oeconomick Disease that must, if not checked by the Application of sound Remedies, reduce it to the condition of Hottentots and Dagoes. This novel Diagnosis hath won for the Seer much respectful Attention in our publick prints, and so I took it upon myself to ask him on what Principles he conducted his prophetick Activity.
His reply was that his Method was simplicity itself. Having first established what was indeed happening, he then pretended that this must continue happening ad infinitum, without Amendment or Interruption, until some Point in the future, chosen at Random by himself, was reached. Thus he calculates that, the Territories of our World ruled by His Majesty having been much reduced in Extent during past Decades, the King's Governance must soon stop at Pimlico or Lambeth, depending on the Month chosen for Consideration.
"Yet are there not unanticipated Events, resistant to the prophetick Art, which must of necessity render false and deceitful any Foresight which fails to encompass them?" I enquired.
Mast Stillman replied that his Prophecies • invariably contained Provision for unforeseen Happenings, not expressly or minutely described, which would tilt Events in a Direction none could presently know, wherefrom it were Madness to attempt to specify the Unknown and Pedantry to criticise its Exclusion.
He next pointed to two Diagrams representing, so he said, the two Classes into which the People of this Island are equally divided. One Picture shewed a healthy Figure, clad in the Uniform of a Hunting Squire, in comfortable possession of Land, a House, a Carriage, and every material Benefit the Heart could desire: while the other portrayed a Beggarly Wretch, clad only in moleskin Trousers and a cloth Cap, who, in want of any Possessions at all, clamoured for Assistance. To my Objection that these were erroneous Caricatures, easily contradicted by one's own Observation of everyday Life, Master Stillman responded that many eminent Philosophers held the Evidence of our Senses to be Fallible, that anyway the Evidence from one's own Observation was a narrow Basis for comparing the Fortunes of Nations, and that he greatly preferred the Manipulation of Numbers as carrying weight with Governors and Statesmen.
As for Master Stillman's Remedies for our present Discontents, he hath remarkable Enthusiasm for purposive Action by Ministers, and proposes a national Plan, and a Board of Economists to oversee and direct the Placement of our Savings, and more in like Vein. Now, even a Sceptic of Mr Hume's Dimensions will cheerfully admit that it is possible to forecast the Effects of these Stratagems, for they have been attempted on several Occasions these last ten Years, with the sad Results detected by Master Stillman.
Finally, Master Ian Gilmour hath this Day written in the Times an Article that fully achieves its manifest Purpose, viz, to contradict the Rumour that he is a Man of Ideas.
'Tom Puzzle
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