YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. The publishers of my book are very kindly giving a party for me next month and are about to send out invitations. I am looking forward to it, but wonder what one does about the social problem of which of one's friends one chooses to have dinner with afterwards? There are six or eight peo- ple I would prefer to go out with, but what should I say to the other friends, even to the marketing men — some of whom are bound to ask what I am doing or even if they can come too? The numbers could esily get out of hand and there could be clashes of temperament.
NWI The most commonly used solution to this problem is that a close friend of the author holds a dinner for him or her in a Private house following the launch party. This serves the twin purpose of giving the author an excuse to leave his own launch before it undergoes its final deglamorisa- uon and of being able to say to second divi- sion friends, 'Oh I'd love to do something but so-and-so is holding a dinner for me.' Some authors even secretly give their own dinners. Explaining their predicament to a close friend with a conveniently located house, they slip him or her the 'readies' so that the friend can extend the invitations to the favoured few by proxy and can cater and serve on the night.
Q. How can I tell whether or not I have already read a certain Sunday paper? I often find myself halfway through a paper before I recognise something I have read before and realise I have already read that whole paper once. We tend to have a lot of people around at the weekend, so it is impossible to keep track of what one has already read by stacking up a pile. S.H., Moreton-in-Marsh.
A. Why not keep a red crayon handy and strike a diagonal mark through the front page of each paper you have read?
Q. My husband does something which I find fantastically annoying each morning, which is that he yawns and then emits a high-pitched woman's scream at the end of the yawn. I tend to be bad-tempered first thing in the morning but I think I would find this annoying anyway as one doesn't want to think one has married another woman. How can I stop him? He says he can't help it.
Name and address withheld.
A. It is always best to treat these sort of offences in the homeopathic manner like with like. Next time your husband yawns in a woman's voice why don't you yawn back in a low-pitched growl to counter him? No doubt he will find it shocking to hear a deep male voice coming from his wife's body and in this way you may cure him of his irritating quirk.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, please write to 'Dear Mary, The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London, WCIN 2LL.
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