YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My son's godfather is an extremely gen- erous though slightly touchy man. When I saw him at Ascot I thought I detected a cer- tain coldness in his manner towards me. On discussing this later with my husband, I realised with a sickening thud that I had failed to write and thank him for Jamie's 1992 Christmas present. This is doubly un- fortunate as not only does he give excellent presents, he has a splendid shoot to which he invites us every year, and I am sure that if I write now he will think that, one, I am just responding to his froideur or, two, that we are anxious not to miss out on the shoot this year. What on earth can we do?
Name withheld, London SW4 A. This problem has a two-step solution which may well be of interest to other read- ers who have left unforgivable lapses of time before writing to thank people. First, write yourself a simple note on plain paper giving any old message: 'Come to lunch on the 26th. Love Jean', or something similarly bland. Pop this into an envelope addressed to yourself and seal it. Then slit the enve- lope almost all the way open but not so far that the note falls out. Now make the enve- lope dirty in some way before stamping it
Dear Mary. . .
and putting it into a letter-box. Within a few days you will receive this letter enclosed within a see-through envelope and stamped by the Post Office 'Damaged in Transit'. Step two: write the letter you would have written had you remembered and date it 29 December. Pop this too into a torn and dirty envelope with a first-class stamp on it and the name and address of your son's godfather. The whole package can then be exchanged for the contents of the conve- niently reusable plastic envelope, which the Post Office has provided you with, and then reintroduced into the postal system at a main post office. No Briton would be sur- prised to receive a letter six months after it was posted, but this method will give added authenticity to the late delivery.
Q. I have quite a common surname, but with a not-so-common spelling. Naturally, I am terribly quick to correct errors. Howev- er, on a couple of occasions recently, acquaintances whom I have known for a while but with whom I have not exchanged correspondence, have written to me and used the incorrect form on the envelope. I am unable to think of a way to rectify the situation without offending them. I am suf- ficiently friendly with them not to sign my full name on replies. Do you have any mar- vellous suggestions for a suitable way to put this petty but infuriating matter to bed?
J. S., Eaton Place, SWI A. Why not buy yourself one of those charming Globetrotter suitcases which come in all sizes, and have your correctly spelt name painted on the front in poster paints as do children on their way to board- ing school? In this way, you can carry the case with you when you next expect to see the offenders and display it prominently on a surface in front of you. Say, 'I can't resist carrying it around. It makes me feel just like a schoolboy again.' You can even draw their attention to its charm in order to drive your point home.
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