It's all right for some
Isabel Colgate
THE COMPLEAT WOMAN: MARRIAGE, MOTHERHOOD, CAREER: CAN SHE HAVE IT ALL? by Valerie Grove
Chatto & Windus, £12.95
Wondering in a dark moment whether it is possible for a woman to stay married, keep a career, and raise several children, Valerie Grove interviewed 20 older women who had done it and sur- vived. The interviews are interesting be- cause the women are interesting, but the collective answer to the central question is predictable. You can combine children with a career if you have efficient help and can pay for it; you stay married by being, and marrying, the sort of person who stays married. The last has to be largely a question of intuition. The first is not so simple either; perfect treasures don't grow on trees. The decline in the numbers employed in domestic service is a factor in the failure of women to break into the professions as quickly as might have been expected which is not much emphasised by the Women's Movement. It is easier to ascribe every problem to the absolute beastliness of the male sex than to notice that there has been a defection by some members of our own. The only one of the women interviewed by Valerie Grove who does not record, often with gratitude and affection, her reliance upon the other people, predominantly women, who made it possible for them to carry on with their careers is Margaret Forster, who has never had any help of any kind with her house or her children. She is clearly a woman of phenomenal energy, optimism and powers of organisation. On the other hand she is a writer, which means she can work at home. Eight of the 20 women interviewed are writers or journalists and as one of them, Drusilla Beyfus, points out, they have an unfair advantage; however much they may feel they have to shut themselves away to work or however frantic they may feel when a deadline has to be reached and the baby is crying, they are on the spot and available in an emergency. It is very different if you are a merchant banker, a barrister, a Member of Parliament, a news- paper editor, a managing director.
Is there a sufficient supply of these surrogate angels on the hearth, nannies, mothers' helps, au pairs, cleaners, cooks, housekeepers? And is their morale as high as it should be, knowing themselves so needed? Should there not be small businesses springing up all over the country to organise, perhaps to train them? If the idea of domestic service has a stigma, can we not in some way re-cast it? Mary Warnock in Valerie Grove's book says, 'I think you have to regard your household as an institution, into which you put every- thing. The people we employed always seemed to feel there was a team spirit, and became loyal to the institution.' There speaks the headmistress you may say, but if you believe in the family, which most people do, to support one should not seem demeaning. How much more humiliating is it to load a woman's dishwasher than to type a man's letters? Well, a little perhaps and perhaps in that case you had better be working on a contract basis for a small firm of, let's say, Environmental Enhancement Specialists.
There may be another answer. It seems odd that the increase in the number of working mothers has not yet combined with the revolution in communications to change habits of work. When you can have a direct line so that a caller can be put through to you in Wiltshire and believe he is talking to you in your City office, and when you can follow the markets of the world on your home computer, why go to the office every day? I am told long lunches are a thing of the past; the modern young merchant banker or commodity broker sends out for a sandwich and stays glued to his or her screen. Why not be glued to the screen in Yorkshire, or the Isle of Wight, or an upstairs room in Notting Hill Gate? And then there are co-operatives, and cottage industries, and shared jobs. Eli- zabeth Shore, doctor and civil servant, says she would like to see both men and women offered the option of a four-day week when they have young children. I know of two young women with babies who share the job of Head of the English department in a large London comprehensive school, to the apparent satisfaction of all concerned. There might be a multiplicity of modes of work, and a multiplicity of styles, but one mode — the office or factory from 9 to 5 and one style — the male — need not predominate.
On the other hand, and as the challenge of male prejudice recedes, the young woman of the future may decide to have done with careers anyway. Doctor Jill Parker told Valerie Grove of her admira- tion for her daughter-in-law, who has never worked at a job and is totally undomesticated. 'She says, "The place is a tip and I don't care, it's the kids that matter, and I'm jolly well going to play with them".' And indeed if like Margaret Forster you get real pleasure from keeping your house immaculate and taking your husband his coffee and his ironed newspap- er on a tray with 'the curtains drawn way back very gently' you could perfectly well spend your whole life doing just that. There is no obligation to produce three children, 13 novels and three biographical works as well, just to show you can do what she can do. Besides, I rather doubt whether you can. I couldn't. I have been married for 34 years and have three chil- dren and have written ten and a half novels. But I had the help of Amparo, Francoise, Michele, Janet, Judith, Sheelagh, Maureen, Mrs Richards, Lady Smith, Mr Rutherford, Sonja, Ivy, Mrs Wood, Yvonne, Jane, Bernie, Mary.. . . Not, of course, all at the same time.
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