LITERARY SPECTATOR.

THE SCHOOL OF FASHION.*

WHEN Fashion keeps a school, we may be sure that there will be no want of scholars : her vices or follies are never taught to empty benches. She is in our country, as in all countries according to their progress of civilization, an imperious mistress, who never fails to find devoted and innumerable disciples : even those who pretend to propagate her doctrines without having received the benefit of her instruction, gain a ready attention: slender credentials are blindly accepted; but in case of its appearing certain that the professor of her arts has actually received and practised her precepts gained from the fountain-head, the stream of wondering and delighted auditors is headlong and impetuous. The real school of fashion is beyond a doubt established in New Burlington Street : hence are issued all her dicta of morality, hence all the pictures of the life which fashion prescribes : there she wields the rod with one hand, and brandishes in the other her daily changing code of instruction. Mr. COLBURN is her gentleman usher, and at the same time her secretary : he publishes her acts and votes, to the world, in successive post octavoes : on his shelves are to be found the true Family Library—the new Lady's Companion, the Gentleman's Instructor, and the whole transactions of the large and powerful Society for the Diffusion of Fashionable Knowledge. The work before us is one of the last and the most pleasing of her elementary productions : it is the "mirror of fashion ;" and as all the world can continue the quotation from the Morning, Chronicle, we shall not more fully describe what is meant by that expression. Undoubtedly, Fashion has not yet had so pleasant an expositor. The author is a neat, light-handed satirist ; a person of good sense, who writes a charming style, and is not the less agreeable because he understands that which he is writing about. It will, however, surprise our readers, as it surprised ourselves, to find that the school of Fashion spends a considerable portion of its time and talent in depicting the manners and principles of a certain sect of philosophers, whom we never expected to find admitted in a school of professed folly : yet true it is that the amiable and enlightened body of moralists and legislators known under the name of Utilitarians are principal personages in the last fashionable novel. We were not even aware that their doctrines were fashionable, and we are very sure that their persons are not : it seems nevertheless the case, that the principles, and also the individuals of the Utilitarian sect, have not been without their influence in fashionable life, and that more than one votary of dances and drags have been turned from the errors of their ways. The e e School of Fsli,ion i§, in fact an instance of such a metamorp osis. fineyoung man'f family and presumptive fortune, falling into the" society of one of the "root and branch" system of philosophy—a young lawyer without practice, negligent in his dress, but starched in his principles—becomes a convert to the new light : from being a thoughtless, hunting, shooting, driving, dancing, hearty boy, of agreeable behaviour, and of good natural though uncultivated abilities, he is quickly converted into an Utilitarian prig—in other words, an intolerable bore : he conceives it his duty to interrupt the progress of dinner with demonstrations of the absurdity of the whole system of society as at present established : he contradicts every person who utters opinions underived from the true code ; and will not permit the utterance of the most casual sentiment without trying it by the test of Utility: in short, to the infinite satisfaction of himself, and the disgust of every body else, he prates incessantly of the deepest questions in the shallowest and most impertinent style, and whether in season or out of s'eason, insists upon turning the world upside down, in the most indecent manner, before the face of every man who is constrained to listen to him. The natural effect of this change of behaviour, and also of his style of thinking, is to fill him with an utter contempt of all his former friends and relations : his coxcombry alienates his uncle and patron ; and his principles lead him to neglect and despise an amiable and lovely person to whom he had been attached before his conversion. The folly has its day: some difficulties and a few incidents occur to bring him to a sounder state of reflection : his Magnus Apollo, the Utilitarian lawyer, supplants him in a rotten borough in the gift of our hero's uncle, to the utter sacrifice of all his principles, and by the assistance of a degree of dissimulation and self-seeking which the large code of Utility cannot sanction: Mrs. Lawlie, the merchant's wife, who in her house in Russell Square holds a sort of synod of the enlightened and unprejudiced of the age, and who herself is allowed on all hands to be above the weaknesses of her sex, commits a gros faux pas : these and other facts, such as the ill-temper of Claypole, the intolerance of Ratsbane, and the coxcombry of Prateall, serve to give him a more just idea of the precious set into whose hands he has fallen: the tide turns, and the hero of the story falls down a little from

• A Novel, In 3 volumes. London, 1829. Coburn,

his altitudes : he begins to find out that he and his doctrines are not wholly infallible—that differing from him or his friend the young lawyer, Benson, is not synonymous with error ; and in short, he subsides into a rational and social being, not the worse for having for a time been led into the mazes of moral and political reflection. His fit of Utilitarianism, like the process of the smallpox, has carried off the humours of ignorance and coxcombry, and the whole system of his constitution is purified and improved. Such is the main drift of the School of Fashion ; such is said to be no unfrequent interlude in the lives of young men of expectation, whom the Utilitarian despisers of rank and haters of the aristocracy are said to be almost glad to enrol among their numbers ;—a weakness which our readers will find hit off in many a happy passage. A novel cannot possibly discuss the principles of a system of philosophy and still continue entertaining; consequently the author has made no such attempt : the philosophy of Utilitarianism is itself untouched,— the real and worthy object of ridicule, is the arrogance, the intolerance, and the conceit of the majority of its pedantic supporters, who, not content with guiding their own steps by the new light, will insist upon thrusting their farthing candle into the faces of all they meet. A more successful satirist they could not have found : he knows them thoroughly, and, if we mistake not, has in his time drunk at the well of Utilitarianism undefiled. People will laugh at the solemnity of the Utilitarian prig who never previously heard of' the existence of the animal. Unluckily satire is one of those mixed goods which always carries with it its portion of evil : if this novel could correct the petulance and self-conceit of the persons it ridicules, without further effect, it would be well ; it is very possible, however, it may lead to the strengthening of prejudices which exist against doctrines that deserve to be inquired into soberly at any rate, and which probably have been much longer kept in the dark than they would otherwise have been, by the ridiculous airs of the half-learned pedants who have professed to administer the principles of Utility as a quack doctor does his nostrum, without knowledge of the disorder, and without understanding the nature of his own remedy. Utilitarians are not the only persons and things that fall under the titillating lash of our author: many and pleasant are his remarks on the more general follies of life, the absurdities of the ignorant and pretending, the errors of the bigoted, and the mistakes of the all-wise. 'While the Utilitarians are exposed, the adherents of old prejudices and the votaries of fashionable follies are by no means spared. Our extracts (in the length of which we are tempted to commit a little excess) will show the truth of the remark.

The following is a pleasant sketch of an animal which may be frequently seen about town at the season when country gentlemen find no other employment but that of playing the legislator: the country is, however, its regular habitat, and it is the peculiar production of these islands.

" Sir Gilbert was a baronet of considerable fortune and a good pack of fox-hounds ; his age between thirty and forty, his body active, his mind vacant; his principal amusements consisted in driving a team (not to plough), hunting, shooting, and drinking as much as was agreeable to his company. He was very good-natured in lending his horses, and giving a cast by his drag ; not married, though riot absolutely leading the life of a bachelor, and in short, he was universally reckoned by the set in which he lived, a devilish good fellow. He had often lent Herbert &horse and a gun, more than once had made him less sober than he would otherwise have been, and there had been a moment in Lovaine's life when he had admired, almost with envy, the establishment of carriages, horses, dogs, pheasants, and partridges of Sir Gilbert Bayley. This admiration, however, only existed when he was first emerging from childhood, for living a little while in what is considered the best society in London, he soon discovered that the slang and ton of Sir Gilbert was altogether of a very mauvais genre, and by no means to be adopted. Sir Gilbert became therefore far more a subject of amusement than imitation, and he could with difficulty refrain from laughing when he saw the perfect gravity, the sort of bond fide manner in which Sir Gilbert played at being coachman, whenever he could find, or rather make, the opportunity. So thoroughly indeed did he delight in this masquerading, that he used to accept the proffered shilling of a passenger with a feeling of triumph at having performed his part so well. We must, however, do his liberality the justice to add, that the real coachman was never defrauded by the mistake. He was indeed well known, much liked, and even looked up to 'down the road,' for he had always a pleasant word to say to all the landlords and landladies, chambermaids, and ostlers, besides never failing, when driving his own team, to lift the elbow in kind recognition of some professional brother whip, provided they had' kept time,' for to those who were 'beyond time,' he would hold out his watch as he passed, with a wink and a nod, implying reproof for their tardiness."

In the same light style is the following inimitable and instructive dialogue between two young country aspirants to fashion, who are enjoying a delicious epanchernent du cceur in the drawing-room after dinner, while the elder ladies are discussing graver matters, as may be inferred from the first few lines.

"'Hush,' she replied, drawing her chair nearer to Lady Blaney, `speak lower, if you please, when Rosa is in the room, she is so innocent, dear girl! She actually now believes that all her little brothers and sisters are found under the cherry-tree ! It is so very delightful to have their minds such perfect white paper I' "Here the ladies whispered, and the words 'last year," before the time,' g nothing ready," such distress," baby linen,' Sec. &c. were indistinctly heard by the two young ladies, who were diligently occupied at a table in another part of the room—Miss Rosa in spoiling muslin after a pattern given her by Lady Emma Danvers, and Miss Laura in copying music that she had heard in London, into the smallest possible book.

"Though these two opening buds had no great affection for each other, yet, as the two married ladies had got into such close conference that they felt themselves unheeded, they took the opportunity of having a little friendly chat. " 'So, Rosa, I see Mrs, Buckle is in the family way again! What a number of you there will be to be sure l' Hush! Laura, pray speak lower, for Mamma thinks I don't know any thing about it. Our old nurse and Sally always tells me every thing, but Mamma would be so angry if she knew it. Do you know I heard her one day advise Lady Blaney never to let her girls have the run of the library; so the first day Papa went out, I got into the study to see what the reason of this could be, and I'm sure I never read so much in my life as I did that after. noon ; but, la! there was nothing that I could find but what every body knows.'

" ' What books did you read? " Oh ! I looked into such a quantity; and as Mamma is always so afraid even of my brothers seeing " Reece's Medical Guide," I took down a book all about physic, just to know why we may not see it.' And did you make out ?' inquired Laura.

"'No I for just as I was opening Metaphysics, I heard a footstep; but it seemed to be about some horrid disorder, I saw the word" matter" so often : I don't know where the complaint is.'

"'No more do I,' said Laura, who had, however, some indistinct notion that she had heard Metaphysics mentioned with Craniology in London, but from what I heard in town, I believe it is only a disorder in the head.' "What a difference it makes in the friendships of youth when there is nothing to excite feelings of jealousy or rivalry ! Laura did not like Rosa at dinner, because they were in company, and she feared people would admire Rosa's red cheeks more than her fashionable air. Now that no one else was present, they were very fond of 'each other ; and Miss Dyer being two years older than Miss Buckle, the latter listened with great attention to what she had to say ; and the former had no objection to opening her heart to an attentive and envying listener. Thus, after one had copied a few wrong notes, and the other stitched the small stalk of a flower, Laura sighed loud, that Rosa might ask why.

" It is ten days yet to the ball!' said Miss Dyer. How noble in those dear Officers to give us a ball, though they are all so poor that they say themselves they never can pay for it.'

" It is, indeed,' exclaimed Rosa with-enthusiasm.

" So considerate of them, to be thinking of the amusements of others in the midst of all their own hardships! Night after night they take it by turns to mount guard ! I often think how shocking it is, that whilst we are sleeping comfortably in our beds, without waking all night, they never close their eyes, and are watching, even in time of peace, over the safety of their country, like guardian angels!'

"This sentiment almost made Rosa's tears fall, she thought it so beautiful ; and it had not struck her before, though she had also bestowed a few thoughts upon the Regiment. " You don't know what it is to be unhappy yet,' she continued. "'Yes, indeed ! but I do,' said Rosa, as she gave a little sigh; only Mamma don'ticnow it.'

" You will see him at the ball.'

"'Whom, Laura ?s inquired Miss Buckle, anxious to know which him' she meant, and equally curious about her friend's 'him,' as interested in her own.

" Why, my Eustace to be sure.'

"'Do you know him to speak to, Laura ?'

" Know him ! I have danced twice with him.'

" Poor Rosa felt quite crest-fallen, for she did not know her Frederick, though she was quite as much devoted to him as was Miss Dyer to her Eustacc. " He actually brought the invitation himself to us,' continued Laura, for the Regimental ball, and he looked so handsome in his dear foraging cap, and the sash tied round his waist ! I am trying to learn the stitch, that I may make one for him if he continues to show me as much attention as he has done lately.'

"'Does he really talk to you, and make verses, and give you his hair, and look at the moon at the same hour that you do ?' eagerly demanded Rosa, anxious to discover how much more blessed was her friend than herself.

" No ! not yet ; but I am to dance the supper dances with him at the ball, and heaven knows what the fascinating creature may persuade me to accept there.'

"Here Laura looked down and simpered at the thoughts of the proposal which she conceived it probable that she might receive from Cornet Somers.

" Ah ! Laura! how I envy you,' said Rosa; 'I don't believe Frederick knows me, even by sight ; but I heard his voice when he was talking to one of my cousins the other day. I have bought a book on purpose to keep a journal of all he says, if I could only get introduced to him ; but Mamma thinks I bought it to write out the History of England, and that sort of stuff. I cannot sleep for thinking of the ball, and there I shall see him in full regimentals.'

"'How I pity you, poor child!' said Mrs. Dyer, feeling quite satisfied of her own superior powers of attraction. I wonder you can live without something to comfort you all this time.'

" But I have one treasure which I look at every day,' said Miss Buckle, 'and I always wear it at my heart, and then I try to copy it, and I sleep with it under my pillow, because then I dream of Frederick.'

" What is it ?' exclaimed Miss Laura, the horrible idea having crossed her mind that Rosa possessed a picture of her lover, while she was without any such delightful consolation in the absence of her Cornet.

" Stop a moment,' whispered Miss Buckle, as she warily looked round to be sure that her mother and Lady Blaney were month-nursing, or suckling, or weaning, with sufficient earnestness to prevent their observing her, 'I will show you ;' and as the rich bloom spread all over her face, head, neck, shoulders, and arms, till she looked like a fresh blown piony, she drew from

her bosom a visiting-card ! Here it is, take care, it is his own handwriting ! I stole it out of my uncle's hall the other day, and have never let it be away from me for a moment since ; it is as good as printing, I declare ; Lieutenant Frederick Radcliffe what a beautiful name ! Don't you pity me, Laura ?' " If this is not a picture from the life, let our praises of the book be taken for nothing. Having said so much of the main drift of the School of Fashion, it would be unpardonable in us to dismiss the work without producing a specimen of the author's manner of handling his Utilitarian personages. For this purpose we select the passage which broaches the character of Mr. Benson, and describes the manner in which our hero became enrolled among the sect.

"Though Herbert's faculties had laid dormant for a time, they required but one spark from the Promethean torch to be on fire, and it was in the year of his aunt's departure for the Continent, that that spark fell. lie accidentally became acquainted in the early part of the spring, with a gentleman of the name of Benson, by profession a lawyer, and about five years older than himself; his birth was respectable, not noble ; his time was devoted to the improvement of his mind; he was a radical reformer of all abuses, a student of political economy, a decrier of the aristocracy, the champion of the oppressed, and the believer in the wrongs of every poor, and the crimes of every rich man ; there was an earnestness in his manner, when discussing his favourite topics, and a store of information, that at once delighted and surprised his ignorant friend. "'Birds of a feather flock together,' says the proverb ; and it must not be supposed that Mr. Benson was a solitary being, either in his opinions or his

habits; he was one of a set, who associated frequently, for the purpose of confirming one another in the belief of their own exclusive power of thinking right, or reasoning well, and the unquestionable error of all who presumed to differ from them.

" The persons most intimate with Mr. Benson were Mr. Claypole, Mr. Ratsbane, and Mr. Protean. Often and often did this select few con over the

narrow-minded policy of the Tories and the insincerity of the Whigs. With

unceasing and innocent perseverance did they speak, one after another, at every debating society, upon the particular necessity of decapitating Charles

the First, and the general expediency of regicide,—the advantages of all re bellions and revolutions, from that of Korah in the Desert, to that of France in the eighteenth century—the undoubted superiority of the republican over all other forms of government—the power of America—the insignificance of England—the monopoly of the higher, and the oppression of the lower orders in this country, consequent on the law of primogeniture, &c. &c. " From the beginning of Mr. Benson's acquaintance with Herbert, he perceived the soil on which he had to work, and left no stone unturned to sow the seeds of ambition, and to implant the desire of knowledge ; convinced that he would be amply repaid in the harvest of such a proselyte, for all his time and trouble. In time our hero (for such we must call him) was intro duced to Mr. Benson's companions. The love of novelty may be said to be an inherent quality of youth ; and certainly the opinions which he heard advanced in that society, and advanced with a degree of positiveness that bade defiance to opposition, possessed that charm in a prominent degree.

" There was indeed much to delight a youth of young Lovaine's disposition, in the principles and language which he now heard for the first time—

there was such a semblance of independence, justice, and patriotism, that his imagination was captivated, while his judgment was unassisted by either learning or experience.

" Though Mr. Benson and his companions had, so far as was consistent with the extreme liberality of their feelings, a decided dislike to every member of the aristocracy, yet Herbert's near relationship to many of the titled scourges of the country, did not operate against him in this society—for they considered themselves to be a set of men professedly above prejudice ; and it was highly gratifying to the vanity of one who, it must be confessed, had taken no further trouble to improve himself, than that of teaching his tongue to repeat what he caught by ear, to find himself at once considered a rising young man.'

" In time, however, his friends became alarmed lest his newly-acquired notions, if quite unsupported by knowledge, should ;sot do them, or himself, justice in other societies ;—there was also a lingering love of his former habits in Herbert, which alarmed them, and from which, as they wished to be of service to him, and to advance the cause of truth and, freedom, they earnestly desired to wean him. " Upon what principle did you go to Almack'slast night ?' inquired Benson one day, as he was walking arm in arm with his disciple. " Simply upon that of amusing myself,' replied Herbert Lovainc, somewhat surprised at the solemnity of the tone and manner in which the ques. tion was addressed to him.

" ' And what amusement did you derive ? ' continued his companion.

" Herbert was a little puzzled what to say in answer : he felt that he was more likely to gain instruction than sympathy from Mr. Benson, and therefore did not choose to select him as a confidant on a subject, which he suspected might be considered as a weakness, or, to say the least, as a foolish interruption to useful pursuits. "After some hesitation, he rejoined : Why surely man is a social being, and the pleasures of conversation are, I believe, universally admitted.'

" Might I ask, what furnished the principal subject of discussion last night ?'

" Poor Herbert was again perplexed : he knew that Benson would think the merits of Lord Charles Harley's marriage with the rich Miss Somers a very contemptible topic ; and yet, unluckily, it had been the general one the preceding evening. The particular topic on which he had himself discoursed, he was still less disposed to impart—he was therefore inclined to shirk the rigestion by merely saying :

" Oh I you know, my dear fellow, that at those sort of places nothing is talked of worth repeating.'

" Surely, then, it must he a loss of time to frequent them ! Is there any pleasure in the rapid movement of feet to the sound of music?' " Why, certainly, the pleasure of dancing depends principally on the charms of your partner,' replied Herbert; recollecting at that moment how entirely his own pleasure in that exercise (or rather in that lounging walk, which now-a-days is usually the proxy for dancing) had been derived from that source.

"'There is an incorrectness in your mode of expressing yourself. Pleasure from the society of your partner could only be derived when you were not dancing ; and certainly till the education of women is formed upon a totally different system to the present, no man of your abilities can find much amusement, far less instruction, from their conversation. I have been informed, that the principal occupation of the people, for the support of whose consequence this country is drained to the very dregs, is exchanging flowers, holding fans, handing ices, and calling carriages. Now, as I do not suspect you of devoting your time to such employments, I should imagine it must be in compliance with some early prejudice that you are guilty of this moral prostitution.' "Herbert felt painfully guilty : he certainly had spent a considerable time amongst the linkboys and constables of King-street, St. James's, in order to find a lady's carriage the preceding evening; and, moreover, he had not only given but received a rose, which he now almost wished he had not taken the trouble to put in water. He again, therefore, tried rather to evade the subject than to justify his pursuits ; and soon succeeded in pacifying his Mentor by turning the conversation to one upon which he thought he was more likely to please hien. " I suppose, Benson, you intend to go to the debating society to.morrow?'

" Certainly, returned Benson, as it is very much expected that you will make your first speech there. I have myself spoken too often already on that subject to render it necessary to repeat my opinions.' " Lovaine did not deny his intention of addressing the expectant society, nor did he the following evening disappoint them. The subject was far from modern ; but Herbert had been able to get it up with less difficulty and research than many others might have occasioned him.

"The question was, Whether Queen Elizabeth was or was not justified in beheading Mary Queen of Scots ?' Whether departed spirits are permitted the knowledge of what passes in this sublunary world, has afforded matter of speculation to many a philosopher ; nor do we pretend to offer our opinion upon so abstruse a question : but should they possess that power, we must own it gives us infinite pleasure to think of the satisfaction with which the headless Mary must have heard the expression of the decided conviction of so many rising young men, that her execution was cruel and unnecessary."

The young man made a flowery speech : his eloquence was admired, at the same time that it was determineLto point out to him the horrors of metaphor. Prateall whispered iriela3pole, that there was a want of principle in appealing more to the feelings than the reason of his listeners.