Spy Paper

Competitors were asked to assume that Burgess and Maclean were setting the written examination in the English language to the passing-out class of Soviet spies, destined to go to England, disguised as English, to mix with the natives. The usual prize was offered for up to ten good, really stiff questions to test the students' understanding of English

language and cusjonzs.

QUESTIONS much set : pronunciation of drought, draught, rough, etc.: elucidation of rhyming slang, cricket terms, Debrett protocol, the Establishment, U- and non-U language. One or two pleasant rubrics : 'Candidates should write in das kapitals,' 'Confess if self-help has been exercised from comrades' (Michael Hall). 'Candidates may use aide-memoire, manuscripts or dic- tionaries, provided they are successfully concealed from the invigilators' (C. J. R. Baron). And an occasional good question unlikely to be set by these examiners : e.g., 'Express suitable ignorance of collectivism, Siberia, Maclean/Burgess' (David Law). 'A penny for the guy. A burgess of no mean city. Do you Maclean your teeth?—What light do the above throw on English be- haviour? (Findlay P. Murdoch). Of T. E. Caton's ten questions in the use of the Eng- lish language, I can only answer one myself without books. A real stinker of a paper, but not a prize-winner-because it was language only, not customs. Good sets from Thomas Swift, Barbara Smoker, R. Kennard Davis,

D. L. L. Clarke, Peter Boydell. Some ques- tions from here and there:

Distinguish between : tourists, foreigners, overseas visitors.—(STANLEY JAMIESON.) What organisations are responsible for road deviations in England?—(MICHAEL HALL.) Compose a hundred remarks about the weather.—(ANGELA KENT.) The following expressions might be heard in Lambeth Walk : 'Lav,"my old dutch; 'flicks,' 'a bit of skirt,' lolly.' Give the appropriate synonyms for use in Lambeth Palace.—

(S. G. E. LYTHE.)

Write a letter to The Times denouncing security checks on university scientists work- ing for the Government.—(A. a C. PETERSON.)

True or false? An Eton crop is a whip used

by aristocratic youths in oppressing the workers.—(3. R. PEDDY.) Define and distinguish between the Estab- lishment and the Upper Classes; The Cocktail Party Intimacy at 8.30; the fourth of June/the fourth of July; amorality/a platonic friendship/Tire Pajama Game.--(H. HERTFORD.) Write a precise definition of : a public school. a private hotel, a free house.—(DAVID LAW.) Distinguish between Scotch mist and Celtic twilight.—(R. HARLAND.)

Decode : B/S Bach. mod. man. tl. use k. & b. ch. chw. 2 gns.—(vERA TELFER.)

How wduld you file : A petition, a security document, a prison-window bar?—(R. JAMES.) Draw all possible distinctions between : (a) Caroline, Lady Snooks; (b) Lady (Caroline) Snooks; (c) Lady Caroline Snooks.

You have applied for an appointment with the British Cultural Institute and you learn unofficially that you are judged as an excellent candidate but the wrong type. Explain briefly this apparent contradiction.—(xico.)

The .leader of H.M. Opposition in Parlia- ment draws a salary of £2,000 from the State. Discuss the implications of this very English arrangerrient.—(c. a. RAMAGE.)

First prize (£3) goes to the combined offering of Charlotte Lythe and Una Stephenson (aged fourteen apiece, they say). £1 each to J. Samson and N. Hodgson. Here are excerpts from the winners:

PRIZES

(CHARLOTTE LYTHE AND UNA STEPHENSON)

(1) Give the typical English opinion of (a) thd licensing laws; (b) girls; (c) the Government.

(2) After rifling a Foreign Office safe you are arrested for parking your car without lights. What action would you take?

(3) How would you pass yourself off as a member of the IRA?

(4) What guise would you adopt as (a) a

Glasgow docker; (b) a Cabinet Minister; V, the First Sea Lord; (d) a Teddy boy?

(5) Show a complete understanding of the following : the works of Big Ben, MI5.

(6) What views would you expect an Oxford don to express about : ITA? Gilbert Harding?

(7) You meet an associate posing as a parson Suggest suitable conversation.

(J. SAMSON)

(1) Films of top-secret documents are sent to you in error. Develop. (2) What disguise would you adopt to gain admittance to the House of Commons?

(3) How would you travel from London to Mdscow .without trace?

(4) Where is Karl Marx buried? Hol,v would you get there from (a) Bermondsey; (b) May' fair?

.(5) Give three meanings of the word 'Establishment.' Do you know any others?

(N. HODOSON)

(1) Distinguish between a PM and an MP. e.c. and C. of E., BO and OBE, NBG and m.p.g., VC and w.c.

(2) 'Trespassers will be prosecuted.' Give other examples of notices universally ignored.

(3) Write a letter to the Spectator deploring criticism 'of Foreign Office officials who are not allowed to reply.

(4) As an alternative to the above questions, summarise the English Betting Laws.

[PS.—I am posting -all the entries to the Russian Embassy.]