4 SEPTEMBER 1999, Page 51

No. 2103: M'Iud. . .

Recently, a motorist was reprimanded by the police for wearing wellington boots filled with baked beans in tomato sauce while driv- ing. Assuming that he had to appear in court, you are invited to imagine the defence coun- sel's explanation (interrupted by remarks of the judge, if you like) of his client's behaviour. Maximum 150 words. Entries to 'Competition No. 2103' by 16 September.