`SMOKING is unacceptable to this council,' said the chief executive
of the Labour-controlled Welwyn and Hatfield dis- trict council. 'What our staff do when they are off duty is up to them but while they are on duty it is inappropriate for them to smoke.'
There in two sentences we find two of the favourite new terms of corporate disapproval: unacceptable and inappropriate. Not wrong or illegal or forbidden or prohibited or even dangerous or loathsome, just unacceptable or inappropri- ate. In sporting or policing circles it would be totally or way out of order.
But just as inappropriate is used as a condemnatory catch-all for acts otherwise not culpable, so it is used as a euphemism for truly shameful behaviour. Mr Clinton has put the word on the historical chart by applying it to what he got up to with Monica Lewinsky, which in the telling is pretty hair-raising stuff.
It is all a matter of not saying what you mean. 'Welcome to this smoke-free sorting office,' says the sign on the door at the bastion of the Post Office in south-west London at Victoria. It is a sign more minatory than warm.
`Thank you for not smoking,' it says pathetically in smoke- hating taxis, where, as yet, the law allows paying passengers to do what they like.
`Thank you for travelling with Great North Eastern Rail- way,' announces the guard or conductor or customer-liaison- officer or whatever he is called, as the train pulls in late, crowded and buffetless once more to King's Cross — as if there were any choice.
And we are bidden to 'take extra care' because of the effects of 'adverse weather conditions' (rain through the leaky roof) on the slippery terrazzo that the administrators have chosen to lay on any station concourse or Underground pas- sageway that you care to name.
Outside Canary Wharf tower in east London signs are regu- larly posted up warning of 'strong, gusting winds'. These winds are not notable elsewhere in London. They are created by thc architecture.
All around us are blanket apologies, health warnings, alarm- ing lists of side-effects, wild threats of prosecution, notices of hazards intended to limit liability and weaselly pseudo- apologies. And if 'I personally' find these frightening, yobbish, lying signs of the times 'unacceptable' what action would be `appropriate' for me to take?
Dot Wordsworth
`Use your imagination, Simon – pretend it's a theme park'
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