YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. I have recently bought a house in Wales. My nearest neighbour is a builder and has carried out a few repairs. He is also keen to do some more major building work that am planning. Unfortunately, I have found out that there is a much better and cheaper builder whom I can use. On the face of it, it should be simple to keep professional and social matters apart, but in this case it is such a small community that I am very con- cerned to keep the goodwill of my neigh- bour. The very isolation that attracted me to the area clearly has its drawbacks. I would be very grateful for your advice.
CL., Hans Place, London SWI A. Let us pretend that the builder you want to use is called Owen Glendower. Nip into his premises, your face suffused with excite- ment, and ask him if you can have a word about some possible building work. Then say, 'Actually, one of my cousins is a Glen- dower and he came from these parts.' (This will not be untrue — be vague about how distant a cousin.) Then chuckle, 'Well, we'd like to give the work to you because, of Course, even it it turns out we're quite dis- tant cousins, it would be nice to keep it in the family.' Tongues will wag locally and
Dear Mary. . .
your builder neighbour will hack off grace- fully in full sympathy with your selection procedure.
Q. I am going to be staying with some close friends in a few weekends' time and they have told me in advance that I will have to share the room with another man. I have heard from other sources that this man snores extremely loudly and I am beginning to dread the overnight stay. Can you advise me on how to stop somebody snoring?
Name and address withheld A. For the situation you mention, the solu- tion is perfectly simple. The moment that the lights have been turned off, slip out of bed and plant a gentle kiss on the other
man's mouth. He is then likely to remain awake for the whole night and should not trouble you with any snoring as he will have other worries on his mind.
Q. The other day, when passing the premis- es of a bespoke shoemaker, I saw a quantity of named shoe lasts of recently deceased customers lying in a skip outside. I took some of these home. Among them are one or two pairs belonging to some leading aris- tocrats and people well known in the field of entertainment. Could you advise me as to whether there would be any market in the so-called gutter press for these confi- dential items?
H. S., London SEll A. Even if some unexpected pedal forma- tions could be exposed, it is unlikely that any sizeable sums could be raised through the agency you mention. You would do bet- ter to put the lasts into a costume or the- atrical memorabilia sale at Christie's, South Kensington.
The author's book, Dear Mary . . . Your Social Dilemmas Resolved, is published by Constable at £9.99.
Previous page
