DEPARTURE OF THE GUARDS. " Go whore glory waits thee!"
THERE is weeping and wailing at the West-end. Piccadilly is the picture of affliction, and loud is the lament in Mayfair. Eight hundred of the Ga-ards are going to Canada, to fight those savage rifle-shooting rebels! And what makes the desolation more dreadful—the horror of the thing more horrible—the sweetest young creatures in the Army are to be sacrificed!
" understand," says the accurately-instructed Globe, "that the brigade of Guards to be sent out to Canada is to he composed of young men, who liave been in the service under seven years; and that both the officers and soldiers are well pleased (?) at the prospect of seeing a little active service."
The fusty old fellows are to remain at home as flisty as ever, swilling their claret, and gaping at the windows of the Clubs. Why, exclaims the despairing ANGIOLINA, did they not send out old Colonel Fooeum ? He is of no sort of use here—be can't waltz—a swamp in Canada is good enough for him : but he is to remain, and FREDERICK is to go ! Mrs. Colonel Emma protests that it is too bad: when she prevailed upon the Colonel to get FRED. a commission in the Guards, it was on the clear un- derstanding that he was not to leave London, except for an oc- casional trip to Brighton or Paris; and she wishes the Colonel would let Lord FITZROY SOMERSET know that : but Radicalism seems to have infested even the Army, and the gentlemen of the Guards are put on a par with the plebeians of the Line.
Such, as we learn from the best authority, (having " for this week only," engaged the Post's fashionable intelligencer,) is a sample of the talk in the exclusive circles.
There is another class of persons who are exceedingly troubled by the announcement of the intended departure of the Guards; and these are the worthy folks who supply young gentlemen with cash on post-obits. Why, the chances are that the seniors will outlive their offspring ! There never were such adepts at picking off officers as those bunters of the back-woods. And then there will be Yankee riflemen, amateurs of forests and fighting, who, to use their own elegant phraseology, will join the rebels "on their own hook "—that is, will do a bit of warfare on their own account. These chaps disdain to kill " men " when officers are to be had, and marvellous is their knack of putting bullets through embroidered jackets. Aware of this unhappy propensity, the Israelites are besieging the Horse Guards to countermand the order for despatching their aristocratic debtors to the American swamps.
Meanwhile, the Guardsmen can think of nothing but glory. Eager and earnest are their preparations fur " service." It is said that GREENWOOD and Cox are at their wits' end to meet the drafts that come thick and fast upon them in payment for laven- der water and cigars. The quantity of pink kid gloves sold is incredible, and double-footed silk sucks are snapped up in all directions. Bond Street never was in such a bustle. The jewel- lers are busy from " ni. lit to morn, front morn to dewy eve," in getting up lockets, and scent-boxes, and vinaigrettes,—the first for mementos to desolate fair ones, the others for use in the back- woods. Padding never was in such request ; for what is a soldier without-breadth of bust The shooting-gallery is filled with
future heroes, who as yet have never pullec.a trigger against any thing more formidable than a pheasant. The riding-stools ex- hibit trembling tyros in horsemanship ; who foresee, that for pacing ponies they must substitute hard-trotting chargers, that snort and rear fearfully. To gentlemen evidently so well prepared for " service," advice Is probably superfluous ; but our zeal in the noble cause which they go to defend must be an excuse for any thing that may seem officious in the following suggestions. It is to be apprehended that the war will endure for some time. There will be summer and winter campaigns. The summer cam- paign is that which our young heroes will first encounter; and it is strongly recommended to them to take out a large supply of gauze handkerchiefs, and musquito nets ; otherwise their fair faces will be so scratched and blotched that the lovely Angiolinas will scarcely recognize the remnant who may return. Another piece of useful advice is, always to sweep the rattlesnakes out of the tent before going to bed at night. So much for the summer. The most necessary caution to be observed in winter is, to thaw frozen noses in snow. Probably nothing will save noses and ears frozen ; but the best plan is to hold handfuls of snow to them for two or three hours,—unless the hero prefer losing his nose to his fingers, for it will be extremely difficult to preserve both. When a feature has once been frozen, and recovered, for a long time after- wards it looks red and raw both in hot and cold weather,—a charming anticipation for a Guardsman and his lady love.
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