SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 70

Report by Richard Usborne

A prize of L.5 was ,offered for a ballade with refrain ". . . Old Etonians like Shelley."

Thirty seemed to me a good entry. Ballades are an absorbing torture to write, and to get right. They take time. Cyrano prob- ably spent hours in the locker-room with a rhyming dictionary before producing his " impromptu " for the duel. Entries here were mostly jovial. It was difficult to be anything else with that refrain ; and " smelly " was too obvious a rhyme. (Nobody used Sir Gerald Kelly. I'd have thought that, as an 0. E., he was a gift.) Michael Albery would have won a prize if his beginning had equalled his end:- " And lords like Byron, far renowned.

But dead in Missolonghi's melde, All high of heart on whom fate frowned, All Old Etonians like Shelley. . . .

ENVOY "Prince Jesus, whom with thorns men crowned, Sound for lost souls a last reveille, That yet with thine elect be found Some Old Etonians like helley."

On the jovial side The Rev. P. A. Schofield's envoy was pleasing:—!

"Prince, you were once at Eton bred (Until expelled for kissing Nellie).

Don't you still read Queen Mab ' in bed ?

All Old Etonians like Shelley."

And S. Owen's:— " Provost, there's treason in the place 1 Though most of us like Miss Corelli And all of us like Hadley Chase, Some Old Etonians like Shelley."

And J. B. B. Aris's:— " Prince, learn to show a humble air When trumpets sound the last reveille; For lords like Russell will be there And Old Etonians like Shelley."

First prize to P. M., who not only ingeniously tweaked the punc- tuation of the refrain, but saddled herself with the fearful task of

lnding thirteen rhymes for Eton ; and still managed to keep a rtain melody going to the end. Second prizes to C. R. Dean, though I'm not sure I see the drift of his envoy, and D. L. L. IlTiarke (unfortunately no room for his entry).

They say the field of Waterloo Was won upon the fields of Eton, And in the race to dare and do The old school tie was never beaten

But menus then had much more meat on

For armies, marching on their belly.

Our modern diet, mainly wheaten, Suits Old Etonians like Shelley

Who to his training proved untrue,—

in foreign lands became effete on The starchy fare and acid brew Of Greek and Cypriot and Cretan.

You cannot be a great athlete on A course of grapes and vermicelli

—An English beef-steak with pommes frites on

Good Old Etonians like, Shelley !

Such heroes' food he did eschew And though Olympus he's a seat on, He sips the thin ambrosial dew And has no stomach to compete on

The Campus, where the air blows sweet on

The amaranthine, asphodelly Idyllic lairs of the Elite—on No old Etonians like Shelley.

Envoy

Prince, though his poems we repeat on Occasion, at an Old Boys melee, This fact, I pray you, be discreet on, No Old Etonians like Shelley.

SECOND PRIZE (C. R. DEAN) Though Byron reigns supreme at Harrow And Athens worships at his shrine, Eton, whose mind is somewhat narrow, Would gladly see his fame decline.

Italians think Keats divine, The counterpart of Botticelli In colour, feeling and design— But Old Etonians like Shelley.

Canada deems " 1 shot an arrow " Longfellow's best. The Argentine In Wordsworth finds a " winsome marrow," And loves the " lesser celandine." China reads Marlowe's mighty line Milton is popular in Delhi ;

Paris considers Pope is fine— But Old Etonians like Shelley.

" Mollie Malone " and famous barrow Arc heard when Dublin students dine ; Says Edinburgh, " Braes of Yarrow," While Cardiff chooses " Clementine." Harvard and Yale sing " Adeline," And men of Bristol chorus " Nellie"; Heidelberg sticks to " Waeht am Rhein" But Old Etonians like Shelley.

Envoy Prince, do not think me asinine, Nor shake with laughter in your belly. Whb can disprove this view of mine But Old Etonians like Shelley?