FOOD AND WINE sponsored by Fortnum & Mason Caviar
The allure of a virgin sturgeon
Nicola Formby
Last Sunday I sat on a Bill Amberg leather floor in a cream cashmere Connolly Polo-neck, Agent Provocateur fishnet hold- ups and fur-trimmed satin Manolo mules, eating caviar off the back of my hand, Watching All About Eve on video. Self- indulgent? Just your average Sunday night. Eating caviar off your skin, or indeed almost anyone's skin, according to true Connoisseurs, is the only way to get the full taste experience. Is it sexy? Is caviar an aphrodisiac? Perhaps, but for a start you have to forget the paraphernalia served in compartmentalised platters — insipid egg- Whites, mushy yolks and bitter onions don't add a thing and lemon juice actually oxidis- es it. Stick to freshly toasted, thin sliced White bread or blinis with melted, unsalted butter or floury jacket potatoes or waxy new ones.
The first time I ate caviar was out of a Peanut jar off the end of a ruler in the back row of a Latin lesson. My girlfriend's father, a wine merchant, had swapped a case of Lafite-Rothschild for a kilo of Belu- ga. She put it into her lunchbox. I was 13 and didn't fully understand aphrodisiacs yet instinctively knew that what we were doing was wickedly sensual. The next time, a few years later, was with a man who was trYing to seduce me. As I sat down at a tiny table in the very intimate restaurant Caviar Kaspia I thought sarcastically, 'Oh yeah?' but mysteriously, after lots of creamy, sil- very-grey Beluga on buttery blinis and rather too many shots of Bison Grass Vodka, I succumbed. Although caviar isn't scientifically an aphrodisiac (neither are oysters, rhino horns or bratwurst) it is very special and an utter joy to eat and inevitably induces a good time. I can remember nearly all the times I've con- sumed it — a cosy lunch at Mark's Club with lightly whisked eggs put back in their shells (inspired by Michel Guerard's restaurant near Bordeaux), at a rock star's table from large glass bowls on beds of crushed ice, and a little tin of small, black, salty Sevruga eggs bought at Heathrow air- port and eaten by myself with crispbreads. In fact caviar lulls you into a false sense of security. It makes you feel pampered and spoilt.
So what makes it sexy? Sharing my eggs last Sunday was a psychiatrist who, in explaining why flashers expose themselves and how I should react, said that caviar is sensual because the salty, sweet combina- tion tastes of sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids. And then there's that thing of soft, smooth, wet, rich, fertile, exploding eggs produced by a migrating virgin sturgeon. Superchef Marco Pierre White says caviar is sexy because 'like beautiful women, it is rare, so it's exclusive and expensive and therefore a luxury.' Caviar is rare like great sex is rare. Any fool can have bad sex and codfish roe is cheap. At the Oak Room, White serves tagliatelle with oysters and Oscietra and steamed sea-bass topped with a lavish slab of Oscietra, which is a favourite among his female customers. The taste of caviar is big and complicated and changes from the moment the initial sea saltiness touches your lips. White agrees that Oscietra is his passion and should be eaten as simply as possible. It goes well with consommé jelly, oysters and white fish.
Mark Birley, owner of Annabel's, Marks Club and Harry's Bar, likes to eat a big tin of golden Oscietra once in a while. He says that caviar is 'very unsexy if it is served with too much fuss by too many waiters who carefully measure out a teaspoonful onto an oversized plate'. Gavin Rankin, (who would buy a ton of caviar each year when he managed the ICaspia shop and restau- rant) used to eat it everyday and says it has never lost its excitement for him.
Caviar does have quite serious nutrition- al properties. It's full of vitamins, high in proteins, low in calories and easily
FOOD AND WINE sponsored by Fortnum & Mason
digestible. Strangely, in Russia no one thinks caviar is erotic. It's cheap and easily available; in the early 1890s it cost as little as 60 kopecks. It is still given to children to prevent rickets and to patients after surgery. Cooks clarify soup with it and heavy drinkers extract the oil from the eggs and drink it to line their stomachs before hitting the vodka.
Like so many products with sexual con- notations, beauticians spotted an opportu- nity. Caviar's beautifying properties are questionable, although there are claims: 'a spoonful a day keeps the wrinkles at bay' and that bathing in caviar keeps your skin soft, although you'd be slimy, black and fishy smelling afterwards. Cosmetic compa- nies have extracted the oils and made skin- rejuvenating creams, hair-conditioners and face masks and the testes of the male stur- geon has even been turned into a balm to soothe and cure burns.
Mark Birley says unlimited quantities are essential for maximum pleasure. There is nothing worse than running out or being told you can't have any more, and caviar always does the best disappearing act. Life's two great regrets are: you never had enough sex and you never had enough caviar. Nicola Formby ate: Fresh Royal Beluga — especially selected palest Beluga eggs with a very delicate flavour. 50g tin £98 100g tin £190 200g tin £370 Fresh Beluga — from the largest of the sturgeons, delivering large, fragile grains with a subtle, delicate smooth flavour.
50g tin £88 100g tin £170 200g tin £335 Fresh Oscietra — again, a large-grained caviar which varies in colour from a dark to golden brown with a distinctive nutty taste. 50g tin £46 100g tin £90 200g tin £175 Fresh Sevruga — finest grained, dark grey caviar with a delicate flavour.
50g tin £38 100g tin £75 200g tin £145 All prices quoted are from Fortnum & Mason.
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