Q. A friend of mine, a pacifist, has recently returned
from Iraq where he was being held hostage by kidnappers. My friend spent months tied up and blindfolded at the mercy of murderous Iraqi nutters before being rescued by the SAS in a brilliant and daring raid. It was a great relief for us all, but I have a new problem now, Mary, which is this. Despite owing his life to the special forces troops, my friend has only offered a few, very grudging words of thanks. How can I help him see that this is inconsistent, given that he longed to escape, and unacceptably rude?
N.B., Bucks A. Many female readers will be familiar with ‘Ski Instructor Syndrome’ wherein they fall in love with unsuitable men who have the upper hand in a foreign scenario. Your friend may well have caught the more dangerous version of this syndrome — capture-bonding, an offshoot of Stockholm Syndrome (from which Patty Hearst suffered). The victims of capturebonding develop a psychological identification with their more powerful abuser and remain loyal to them even when freed. It takes six months to a year to get over Ski Instructor Syndrome, so have patience. No doubt your friend will come to his senses in the fullness of time and will then be appalled by his discourtesy.
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