2 DECEMBER 1989, Page 27

Eau, all right then

HERE we are at the moment of decision, and I still cannot get worked up about water. Maybe it is the promotion, maybe it is the product. Considered as a beverage (as Mr McQuiston QC, standing counsel to the distillery industry, wisely remarked, and as I have reminded you) it's a bloody failure. Maybe again it is the management and direction. Does any of the water companies strike you as the sort of conspi- cuously well-managed business you would like to invest in? Do their boards of directors suggest much more than resting places for local worthies? Friends of the water shares have to find other qualities to admire. Some say that, the moment they are available, the French will rush in and lap them up. This is the surge of foreign money (or 'wall', as it is oddly named) which the eye of faith is so often encour- aged to see when there is a big share issue to be got away. A surer recommendation is that they are stocks with high yields and the prospect of increasing dividends — like Rolls-Royce (says a broker) but paying two per cent more — and that they can be bought by instalments. It still looks too risky for private investors to 'stag' these shares, applying in the hope of selling at once for a profit. They cannot sell at once. Their allocation letters will be sent out through the Christmas post after dealings begin, and by the time they arrive we may have a Meyer government. The best terms are offered to those who buy into their own local water company and hang on to the shares. They would still be buying into a business whose profitability would be de- termined not so much by its own perform- ance as by what the regulator will allow. My bones tell me that if water looks like making a fortune for shareholders, some- body will change the rules.