Q. My teenage daughter’s lifelong friend has over the years
developed the most unfortunate strain of body odour, obviously unbeknown to her. It has become increasingly unbearable recently and presumably in her earlier years was either masked in infant fumes or more tolerable. Apparently the problem is widely discussed at school but no one has a solution, mainly because of the ponger’s genial nature and because of the inherent risk to the messenger. This friendship is important to my daughter, even at great risk to our olfactory nerves, but then so is our need to reduce the widespread use of pungent aerosol spray. Can you propose a resolution?
Name withheld, Belgravia, London A. Invite the offender to stay the night in your home. Brief your daughter that you have a scheme in mind. As the two girls arrive, announce that your hot-water supply is temporarily out of order and ask them not even to try the taps due to possible difficulties with airlocks. When the girls reassemble for food, sniff your daughter ostentatiously and cry out, ‘Oh no. I’m sorry you couldn’t have baths but really there shouldn’t be this level of smell! When did you last have a bath, darling? You must do it more often at your age. Are you wearing synthetic underwear or something? I’m afraid to say that you very often offend on this point, hot water or no hot water.’ In this way your daughter will be equipped with the tools she needs to pretend to be offended so that later on she can open up a frank debate with her friend. This should reap the result you require.
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