"Spectator" Competitions

RULES AND CONDITIONS Entries must be typed or very clearly written on one side of the paper only. The name and address, or pseudonym, of the competitor must be on each entry and not on a separate sheet. When a word limit is set words must be counted and the number given: No entries earl' be returned. Prizes may be divided at the discretion of the judge, or withheld if no entry reaches the required standard. The judge reserves the right to print or quote from any entry. The judge's deeision is final, and no correspondence can be entered into on the subject of the award. Entries must be addressed to :—The Editor, the Spectator, 99 Gower Street,

London, W.C. 1, and be marked on the envelope Competition No. (—).

Competition No. 26 (Set by " CRISPIAN.") IN their relationship to man, the £ and the appendix may be observed by the perceptive to share a common characteristic ; namely, that they, draw peremptory attention to themselves only when threatened , with inflation; remaining at other times in a state of unquestioned tranquillity.

A prize of £3 3s. is offered for the best expression of this powerful truth in epigrammatic verse of not more than six lines duration.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, October 12th, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of October 24th.

• Competition No. 27 (Set by " D °Gm.") IT has been suggested that we should have a better ordered country if an Intelligence Test had to be passed by every elector before he or she is allowed to record a vote.

A prize of £3 3s. is offered for a list of not more than six or less than three questions that might be put to all would-be electors at the polling booth, and that would have to be answered satisfactorily before they cast their votes.

Questions should be short and simple and should call for. short and simple answers.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, October I9th, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue ci October 31st.

. The result of Competition No. 25 will appear in our next issue.

Report of Competition No. 24

(REPORT AND AWARD BY "CRISPIAN.")

REQUIRED, to improvise a dialogue expressly intended either to intrigue or to terrify the remaining occupants of a third- claSs railway carriage during a through run from Paddington to Reading.

• As an inveterate listener and gaper in third-class railway carriages I feel justified in asserting myself at the very outset. I am going to put my foot down. I will stand for no happy endings ; I will bear with no ingenious explanations, smugly supplied as the train draws into Reading station. If a carriage- full of people have been duly fascinated and puzzled during the course of the journey, then they must leave the train in a like condition ; if they have been alarmed and greatly frightened, then alarmed and greatly frightened must they remain when they alight on to Reading platform.

Who, they must go on wondering, is Joan, and what her mysterious business, and what in the world can be the con-_ nexion between the rather sinister Thompson and Hanwell and between Lucy's trouble and Slough, and how do shirts come into it ; and then there is Thompson's aunt who lost her temper and the question of what Simpkins said and did. J. Hughes (14 Doughty Street, W.C. 1) knows the game and leaves them wondering, and thus wins £3 3s.

I, am unimpressed • by a bomb' that resolvzs itself into an alarm clock (S. Barrington McLean), and. pee,..)16 ttho explain that they are planning or rehearsing plays (Ethel M. Kennedy and others) would leave me cold and disillusioned had I lis- tened to them, getting, I don't doubt, all worked up only to be let down with a dismal bump. Of the " happy enders " I think ".The Journeyman " was the best.

The most satisfying. of the 'terrorists were " W. p.," Mary Challans, and " A. II. G.," while "Peeiditnn," Margaret Richardson and Simon intrigued in a most satisfactory manner, and in this connexion I only wish that space pernaitted of my quoting " Iota " and Alex. H. Lashbrooke in full. They must regard themselves as being honourably mentioned. Heie i. the winning entry : HE (looking knowing): " Well, I suppose Joan knows something about things by now, eh ? "

SHE (with is "we girls must stick together look"): " Yes" (sighs). "she's young to start learning." (Short pause.) HE (registering businesslike efficiency): " D'you think she'll make a go of it with Thompson ? "

SHE : " I hope so, but it's always a gamble, isn't it ? " HE : " Yes." (Another pause.) HE : " She has a financial interest in the business, hasn't she ? " SHE : " So I believe. (Short pause.) What do you think about that business ? "

HE (judyematically): "M—m, we—ell--I don't know, after all—" SHE : " Just how I feel. None of us knows much about it."

. HE : " Here's Hanwell." (Pause, with an air of mystery.) " Did you not hear if Thompson was married ? " SHE : " Never. But I have heard stories."

HE : " Yes, so've I. Did you hear anything about the Re I House ? "

SHE : " More than once. And there was that time his Aunt lest her temper "

HE : " I never thought that explanation quite held water." (Lang pause.) HE : " Have you heard from Lucy ? " SHE : " Yes. Some trouble." HE : " Ah." (Long pause.) SHE : " Seeing Slough reminds me of Lucy's other trouble." HE (with fierce emphasis): " It would."

SHE : " She says the new complications are as bad as the old." HE : " I know what she ought to do."

SHE (angrily) " What ? "

HE (meaningly): " I expect you can guess." (Pause.) HE : " What does Lucy think about Joan ? " SHE (excitedly): "My dear, she's simply wild."

HE (cynically)': " I thought so. Puts Lucy's nose out of joint, doesn't it—Joan's little effort ? "

SHE : more than that. Didn't you hear about Harold HE (starting up): " You don't mean he " SHE (vigorously): " I do, though."

HE : " Well." (Pause.) " I don't wonder Lucy's annoyed." SHE : " Harold never said a word about that, either." HE : " Never."

SHE : "I'm glad he had the grace to 1 asp quiet."

HE : " I might have guessed after that shirt business." (Pou.!,<,.) SHE : " Talking of shirts, dear, remember to write to Joan."

HE : " And be sure you write to Simpkins." SHE (indignantly): " After all he said and did." HE (savagely): " Did "