A SEA CHRISTMAS.
THE kiss was good, but we all agreed that they went the wrong way about it. Carol-singing in the abstract is an excellent form of celebration, but, like many other amateur entertainments, care should be taken that Tact is one of the turns. The Choir was a splendid organization when you could
persuade Lofty Hobbouse and others that their noses were for breathing through and wore not sound-conductors. Those musical enthusiasts assembled on Christmas morning about six- thirty and chose the Captain as the first victim. Now Captain if—, in the manner of many post-Captains and others, was not at his best before breakfast, an 1 when Lofty led o the effort with "Christians awake, salute the happy morn," the biggest optimist would have declared that the Choir would get the bird.
Which they did. Captain 11 ,o' eying the Corals injunction, rnvoke, but unfortunately failed to retain the title of Christian conferred u:on him by the Choristers. The Padre was the last to leave, and heard what was really the Captain's best effort. This contretemps did not seem to have affected the spirits of the Ward-Room at breakfast. The Paymaster, full of the Christmas atmosphere, essayed his famous Columbus egg trick with the usual result.
It is a good thing on Christmas Day in this Service not to take too big a cargo on board at breakfast, as there are some fairly severe capacity trials to be carried out within a couple of hours. To-day was no exception, and the Captain's rounds having been reduced to a minimum, the hands were piped to rig Church. The exasperated Padre, having been informed by about ten friends that the real spirit of Christmas manifested itself on that day in the form of a very abort sermon. wont aft swearing that he would give them half-an-hour of the Early Fathers. His bark was worse than his bite, and it was the 'usual short, cheery service that the Navy likes. It was after this that the real test of endurance began.
In Ore space outside the Captain's quarters was assembled a motley throng. In the centre was the Squeegee Ban I. As I have had occasion to mention before, the Blue loves dressing up, and on this occasion Ire had let himself go. Charlie Chaplin harl the demo; a Clown, whom I was astonished to recognize al MI austere Nonconformist Gunner's Mate, had a violin, end from his subsequent performances I should judge that he had had quits half-a-dozen lessons on it. The Cymbals were carried by a Cowboy, and various Jockey-a, Indians, and other "Movy " favourites carried instruments of more or less heart- rending qualities.
The sight of the Captain coming out of his quarters and his officers forming round lain" started the procession off, headed by the Rag-time Band. The Mess Deck was reached, annt a stop made at the first Mess. Standing at the head of the Mess table was a youthful P.O. holding a plate of him cake and a plate of cigars. To the uninitiated it may have seemed extra- ordinary that a youngster of his age could so soon have reached the rank of Petty Officer, but to those in the know the old Christmas custom of dressing up the youngest member of the Mess in the Senior's uniform causes no surprise. The Moss table is a pieture-gallory of ladies' photos put out for the occasion, and festoons of coloured paper complete the cheerful scone.
The occupants of the Mess stand shyly looking on as the Officers pass, occasionally offering some plate of delicacy. It a splendid time for the Snottie.s, as no one within the memory of man has ever seen a Snotty who had to confess that he had no more capacity for food, and no ono offers a plate to one of them without having some of the contents removed. As the pro- cession moves on the Clown of the party, warming to his job (a pal in the Fo'c's'le mess had hulled him up to a toll, becomes still more facetious and addresses the Mosses something after this fashion : Very pretty, Men. Excellent. Ah, well, my friend, thank you, just one cigar. Carry on, Lads. I'm very pleased to have seen you this morning." It was an excellent imitation of the Captain, who never turned a hair.
The round of the MOS9Cs is at last completed, and the Officers hurry away to relieve their pockets of cake, sweets, cigars, oranges, &c., while the Band repair to the Ward-Room pantry to regale thensselves on beer. But the Captain's work is not yet finished. He next visits the Warrant Officers' Moss, where Ins partakes of sweet champagne and converses with the old Chief Gunner and other members of the Mess, after which he turns into the Ward-Room and, wiping his heated brow, takes a weltearned rest.
The midday meal is the usual uproarious function, and the Pilot, quietest of men, surprises every one by launching into a atory connected with an American's cigar and a hand-grenade whit& would have gone well if only he had got the point in the right place. A touch of home is imparted to the function, despite grim Motto showing through the scuttle, by the well-worn toast of " Sweethearts and MIT; and may our Sweethearts soon be our Wives, and our Wives always our Sweethearts." The toast is rather marred by Ginger Watson, our youngest wateltheeper, who insists on adding to the toast the ribald ending, "May they never meet." The Padre slips away before the meal is ended to conduct a Sing-song and general cheerful party in the Boys' Mess, from which he returns with vigour somewhat abated about 4 p.m.
It was announced at lunchtime that there would be a mueirel evening in the W.R. Pachmann e.nd his coafrireq would he.va had difficulties lir applying the adjective musical to what took place. It started with a Tug-of-War. Married e. Single, develop-n1 into Charades, grow into Catch-es-catch-con, and finished in the complete prostration of all the inhabitants
So passed Christmas Day, the Christmas of Victor', mil Peace. As one thought of the past four Christmas D rys with their incessant "Action Stations and dirty weather," one slum- tered across to the scuttle and, breathing the General Thanks- giving, gazed out upon the assembled German Fleet. An
excellent aperitif to our Christmas dinner. Bran.
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