THE LONELY ONES
SIR,--Loneliness can be due to circumstances. but more often it is a state of mind. Of course, the environment of the house-bound mother or the newly-widowed is a lonely one, but the world is full of people who have overcome the handicap of cir- cumstance and built happy and. satisfying lives for themselves. More often the lonely person is lonely because he or she secretly, perhaps unconsciously, prefers to be. People who because of early child- hood experiences have been driven back on them- selves are fixed in a pattern of living which, though not fully satisfying, they find preferable to the demands and disturbances of the world of real relationships.
(Continued on page 460) To escape from loneliness one has to be able to take criticism, rebuff and neglect; one has to be not too demanding in one's expectations. But more important still, and this is the crux of the problem, one has to be able to give. The lonely person wants, or thinks he wants, to get; but he cannot give. The best escape from loneliness is to do something for others: to join a society for pro- moting a cause, or take on a worthwhile job, or work for a church or a charity'. The second best is to pursue some activity : sport, painting or lan- guage study. What is unlikely to help those who are lonely by nature is to meet for the sole purpose of curing loneliness. If loneliness is a disease, the lonely person must first be cured of his inner sick- ness, for only when he is freed from the strait- jacket in which he confines himself will he be able to make friends.
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