YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Can you help me? My friend always comes up to see me even if I tell her to go away. When she is in my house she never plays with me or listens to me. She stays in the kitchen and eats. How can I stop her without her thinking I am horrible? Violet (aged 8), Leixlip, County Kildare A. Next time your friend drops in get your Mummy to say, `Ah! I'm glad you've come. I've just been telling Violet that little girls have no idea how much work there is to do in a house. But housework can be fun! So to teach Violet what fun it can be, I'm going to make a rule that every time a friend comes to play she and Violet have to clean the sil- ver, or clean the tack for half an hour before they start playing!' In this way your friend may soon lose her appetite for coming to your house. Even if she does not she will still have to chat to you for at least half an hour before she starts eating and ignoring you.
Q. Recently at a golf club in France I left, by mistake, my small camera on a shelf in a large room full of golf bags with open access to caddies and players. After lunch and 18 holes, I remembered my camera and asked the caddy master, whom I know well, if he had seen it. He had picked it up from where I had left it and was glad to fmd the owner. I returned to England that night, and the following day (the camera having not left my possession) I finished the reel with three photos in my garden, then took it on to our village shop for processing. The next morn- ing, I collected the loosely closed package containing the prints and negatives and, without opening it, set off for a long drive north. At lunch-time I looked at the photos and, to my astonishment, saw that between the 24 photos I had taken in France and the three in England, there were nine of a man's erect penis — evidently taken by the man himself. Dear Mary, how do I find out if the pretty shop assistant had looked at or been warned about the 'indecent expo- sures'? I now think, possibly imagine, that she gave me — an elderly man — a quizzi- cal look, and if she did, how do I prevent or quash the spread of gossip? Name and address withheld A. Enter the chemist's shop wearing a som- bre expression on your face and confide to a male manager, 'I'm afraid some very offen- sive — though not illegal — photographs were taken with my camera, without my knowledge, as a practical joke. They were developed here, so if you would like to give me the names of any members of your staff who may have been offended, I shall ask the manager of the golf club where the outrage was perpetrated to write to him or her to apologise.' Readers worried about taking nude photos of their children after the Julia Somerville incident may be interested to know that the Photo Marketing Association advises its members that while they have the right to refuse to process photographs of adult penises, it is not actually illegal to take them 'on the basis that no part of the human body can be considered to be obscene'.
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