Christmas Crackers

The usual prize was offered for a set of three mottoes or couplets suitable for the crackers at a literary, 'U,' Anglo-American, Third Programme, 'olde-fashioned; or Spectator Christmas party.

As so often happens, competitors uncon- sciously mirrored themselves (pardon- reflected themselves in the looking glass) in their entries. I was somewhat surprised by the picture which emerged. They are better versed in the classics than in con- temporary literature, and, taking number of references as the criterion, the modern writers who have made most impact on them are Mr. Kingsley Amis, Mr. John Betjeman, Brecht, Proust and Mr. Evelyn Waugh. I suspect that they are only per- functory listeners to the Third Programme, and like most of us overawed by it whether they listen or not. Almost to a man they are anti-U, and-dare I say it?-the evidence suggests that they may be suffering from a bias due to a sense of insecurity about their own U-ness. I am sorry to say, too, that I think they would mostly agree with the materialist point of view of M. Lewis : 'A serviette on the knee is worth two table napkins in the wash.' They also tend to be critical of the Americans, though in sorrow rather than anger; unfortunately neither plain speaking nor 'hands across the sea' seems to lend itself to cracker treatment, and I could not believe that the political recrimination in which some competitors indulged would contribute to seasonable harmony at an Anglo-American Christmas party. Nobody felt really at home with an 'olde-fashioned' Christmas. As for the Spectator, the respectful admiration which it inspires should bring blushes to the Editor's cheeks, but is not, I am afraid, good material for wit and humour. It is pleasant, however, to report with confidence that one and all would endorse the sentiments of J. A. C. Morrison : Best wishes to us, wet or fine, Good fellows all at 99.

At the season of charity and goodwill perhaps the less said the better about the quality, metrical and otherwise, of most of the entries. Making every allowance for the licence permitted to Christmas-time poets, the scansion or lack of it was, generally speaking, deplorable, and though, as one competitor truly said, the literary standard of cracker couplets is not particularly high, if these were a fair sample her observation deserves to rank high as a specimen of English understatement.

Still a good time seems to have been had, and there were some shining exceptions. I award two guineas to Allan M. Laing, with three winners, and a guinea each to P. W. R. Foot, J. A. Lindon, A. M. Sayers and Frances Collingwood, who produced what I thought was one of the best single entries. Those who submitted the other entries which are printed are commended. The tolerance which I have shown in the matter of scansion will be noted.

A BOX OF CRACKERS LITERARY If you'd know what the literary ganie is, The man to see is Kingsley Amis.

(E. C. JENKINS.) The world has three things parasitic: The Louse, the Tapeworm and the Critic.

(H. A. C. EVANS.) The Great Tradition thinks it beastly To Scrutinise the works of Priestley.

(P. W. R. FOOT.) Now then, you writer, unless you're blotto Compose your own confounded motto.

(FRANCES COLLINGWOOD.) It's tautological and true- Since you are here, You must be U.

(A. M. SAYERS.) Soft-mouthing U, or common speech?

Surely we're equal, each to each. (GUY KENDALL.) May you this Christmastide enjoy

Your fun without the hoi polloi (MRS. V. R. ORMEROD.)

'Cruets' are out, 'mirrors' non-U, Pudding's for 'Sweet' and I'm for you! (MRS. AGNES KENNETT.) Happy Christmas, and here's wishin' You good huntin', shootin', fishin'.

(Aunatcx.,

Refreshments here are strictly Upper. Go elsewhere for the homely `cuppa.'

(LESLIE JOHNSON.,

ANGLO-AMERICAN May there be no Red herrings in our Herrin1 Pond. (JEBRONIUS') THIRD PROGRAMME I can guess just what your peeve is : You can't swallow Dr. Leavis.

The dramatist is Bertolt Brecht. (ALLAN M. LAING.)

One drama now alone is echt:

You're in the swim if you are M. LAING.

sure Epstein's vieux lea, but not H. Moore.

Grab' fist Ruh',

( Leave speculation high and dry- Evaluate M. LAING.i

-LAN lmi Evaluate the Christmas. (A. M. SAYERS' In the THIRD, too.

How much there is in this world that I do not

want.-Socrates. (P. W. R. FOOT4

`SPECTATOR' Keep sanely to the Middle Way, veer not to Right or Left, And leave the climber on his cliff, the limPel

in his cleft. (j. A. LINDON, Pledge not yourself too deeply, be it politics of kisses-

The Onlooker sees clearly what the enga0,

clearly misses. 0. A. Lthroolg., (R. B. BROWNING')