CITY AND SUBURBAN
Woolies takes over a masterpiece and the IBA turns a cloth ear
CHRISTOPHER FILDES
The orchestra strikes up the great theme from Beethoven's Choral Sym- phony: the setting of the 'Ode to Joy'. Soon the chorus will match Schiller's words to Beethoven's music: 'Joy, fair brightness of the gods, daughter of Elysium, we tread, heavenly one, your divine kingdom . . . All men shall be brothers where your gentle spirit hovers.' The orchestra, though, sounds brassy, and the beat ex- aggerated: what is happening to this sub- lime expression of human aspiration? It is being used to plug Woolies. As the music sounds, so across the television screen pass rows of washing machines and vacuum cleaners, conveniently available from stores within the group. The chorus enters, but its words are inaudible, and neither Woolworth nor its agency, Wight Collins, can say whether we are supposed to hear Schiller or a jingle. At one stroke they have outmatched 'Lloyds Bank, whose use of the Christmas Oratorio to sell credit cards (`Sleepers, wake, a voice is calling: this Lloyds Bank ad is quite appalling') had established the previous record in vulgar- isation. Why does Woolworth do this? It is trying to repel the £1,900 million bid from Dixons, and is forbidden to make its case in plain words. The Take-Over Panel has banned argumentative advertising during a bid (it might offend), and the Independent Broadcasting Authority has never allowed it. Companies are reduced to mounting these image-building' campaigns and hop- ing that their shareholders take the point. Over television advertising, the IBA is the arbiter, and the writ of the Advertising Standards Association (`legal, decent, hon- est, truthful') does not run. All advertise- ments, the IBA says, have to conform with the code, which contains no rule against the use of classical music. It contains many other rules besides the take-over ban. The editor of the Spectator tells me that the IBA continually carps at Spectator adver- tisements as politically controversial. From a reference to the attack on Libya, the IBA struck out the word 'attack'. From 'the word at Westminster is thai the Govern- ment is in trouble', the IBA struck out the reference to the Government. But to the abuse of art the IBA is indifferent. It concentrates on its self-imposed duties of maintaining an orderly cartel, stamping on competition, and shielding the members from take-over. No doubt Woolworth should have acquired a television franch- ise. Now, it will serve Woolworth right if Dixons buy the company and fire the advertising department and Wight Collins along with it. But I wish someone would bid for the Independent Broadcasting Au- thority.
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